pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of sex education. we’ll do it properly.
public: applause
pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of snow plowing. we’ll do it properly.
public: confused applause
i’m watching a british youtuber’s birthday stream and an aussie viewer sent in a comment saying “why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all? because he had no say in it, no say in it at all” which was received with confused existential horror, and this is how i just discovered that australian happy birthday songs are not universal
oops
do you not sing this in other countries?!?!??
NO we do not sing a lament for someone’s personal beauty wishing they’d never been born. That is some weird Greek tragedy shit.
i love everything about this screenshot. i love the comedic composition of it. the original message sent at 4:11 AM. the typos. the yeehaw. the lack of response from anyone else in the chat. White Castle
and then, in perfect grammar and syntax, one hour and 23 minutes later, the realization of the mistake. the regret. the folly of man
i showed aujah this and she’s informed me that the event that triggered the second text was her accidentally ringing up a customer for 275 cheese sticks and the guy was also too high to notice until he had almost swiped his card and stopped and said “wait.”
Dude the kicker of this post is that she’s an employee
seeing Beauty and the Beast in hyper-realistic CGI has forced me to re-evaluate the entire concept of the movie. Like the whole “talking furniture” thing was adorable & COOL in animated-form, but in reality it’s like a fuckin horror movie. You’re trapped in a place where cups have EYES and literally anything could’ve been an ex-person. That spoon you just licked clean? A person. That chair you’ve been sitting on? Practically someone’s LAP. That toilet in your bathroom? Oh-ho-hooo bOY DO I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU.