cockismybusiness:

asking-ask:

milky-beef:

spacefairytale:

JUST PRESS PLAY AND UNMUTE THIS YOU WILL THANK ME

VICTOR “DRAMA QUEEN” NIKIFOROV WOULD TOTALLY SKATE THIS ROUTINE OKAY.

FUCK ME UP, HOT DAMN

That’s Stéphane Lambiel, a glorious male skater (two-times Grand Prix Champion among other SEVERAL golds and titles ) who is now coach. 

You know, the one that made a cameo on YOI’s final  episode

And as a fan of Ares, thank you even more for writing him in a sympathetic manner – I’ve always felt he got a raw deal in the myths and it makes me really happy to see him portrayed as a basically decent guy doing a horribly unpleasant job. One of my favorite myths of Ares was when he marched into the Underworld to rescue Thanatos, who got imprisoned there by Sisyphus. Do you have a spin on that story? :) either way thank you for being awesome!! (2/2)

shanastoryteller:

Hades very rarely
leaves the underworld, especially during the six months when he rules alone.

But when he and
Hecate go where none but them dare to tread, to the dark, unknown corners of
the realm to push it wider, he can’t be disturbed. Icarus doesn’t know what,
exactly, they do, but he knows it’s dangerous, delicate work. As such, neither
Hades nor Hecate can be found during these long days, no matter the cause.

Hades only ever expands
the realm when his wife is here, so that she can rule over the dead in his
absence.

Except for this
time.

“But why can’t you wait?”
Icarus asks, wringing his hands together. “You’ve always been able to wait
before.”

“The realms are
tilting on their own right now, we’ll be able to push it farther than we ever
have,” he says, scanning over the plans that only ever look like a mess of
lines whenever Icarus looks at them. “If we wait, we lose this opportunity.
You’ll be fine. You know how to do it all.”

“I’ve never done it
alone! I’m not you or Persephone – can’t Charon do it? Or Nyx? They’ve been
here longer than I have,” he protests.

Hades looks up and
reaches out a hand to pull Icarus closer. He wants to resists, to be petty
because Hades is making him do something he doesn’t want to do. But Hades asks
for so little, and he’s quite terrible at denying him. His arm curls around
Icarus’s waist, pulling him flush up against his side. Icarus looks up at him,
and one look at those soft, dark eyes has him melting, as always. “You’ll be
amazing, because you are amazing. Nyx and Charon are wonderful. But only you
can do this.”

“Fine,” he says,
giving in, as he suspected he would from the beginning.

Hades has to go
meet Hecate, but he does spend several minutes letting Icarus pin him against
his bookshelves and kiss him, which is rather nice.

~

Icarus opens the
doors to the throne room. Guards line the wall, as is customary, even though
it’s not in use. Two thrones sit there. One is simple and made of gleaming
black obsidian. The other is more elaborate, made of silver and decorated with
bones and blooming vines. Both were made by Hephaestus.

He walks forward,
and no one stops him. No has the authority to stop him, they didn’t even before
Hades left. The only ones who could challenge him are Charon and Styx, and
they’re both staying far away just in case he tries to trick one of them into
taking his place.

There’s nothing for
it. Persephone is gone, Hades is gone, and someone must rule.

He drags his feet
as he takes his final steps forward. Both the thrones are cloaked in power, and
if any but their owners sit in them without permission they would be more
than simply killed, because most people in this realm are already dead. They
would be unmade, erased completely, and nothing could bring them back.

Icarus takes a deep
breath, legs trembling. The he takes the finals step forward and sits on
Hades’s throne.

Nothing happens.

He lets out a sigh
of relief and goes boneless. For all that it looks like it’s made of hard, cold
stone, it’s actually rather comfortable.

Styx and Charon
materialize in front of him, and go into a deep bow. “My king.”

“Shut up,” he
snaps, “You’re lucky I don’t force one of you into this thing instead.”

Charon is making a
raspy sound that Icarus recognizes as laughter. They straighten, and Styx is
grinning, “It suits you, I would just look silly.”

“Flattery won’t
hide your cowardice,” he says. “You’ve been here the longest. It should be you
in this throne.”

“I’m just a kid!”
she protests, “That would be a disaster.” She vanishes without another word. He
wonders if he could use his temporary status to make her come back, but he
won’t risk it. An angry Styx isn’t something he likes dealing with on the best
of days.

Charon holds out
his skeletal hands, and a fat scroll appears. “The most recent logs, King
Thanatos.”

“Please don’t call
me that,” he says, pained. He gets up off the throne and takes the scroll,
“I’ll be in Hades’s study.”

Charon vanishes.
Icarus walks out of the throne room, and the doors slam shut behind him. He
refuses to go back there until Hades returns. Besides, if his lover has taught
him anything, it’s that a ruler that spends more time on a throne than out of
it isn’t very good at his job.

~

For the first two
days, all is well. He’s been doing this work for hundreds of years, it’s
nothing new, evn though for the first time he does it without either Hades of
Persephone to guide him. Then Hermes appears out of beside him, holding a
writhing, reedy looking man. The man’s trying to scream, but no sound is coming
out. “Our King Zeus wishes for Hades to deal with Sisyphus, traitor to the
heavens, personally,” he says, face slack with boredom.

“Hades is busy,” he
says, “Put him in the waiting area with the others. He’ll see to it when he
returns.

Hermes blinks, then
looks uncomfortable. “Zeus wanted it dealt with immediately.”

Icarus is tempted
to tell Hermes that he doesn’t particularly care what the lord of the sky
wants, but he knows that’s not very fair. Hades would never let Zeus take out
his temper on him, but he knows not everyone has that same protection. “Fine.
But I’m too busy to be creative, I’m just going to tie him to a tree in
Tartarus and leave him there to get eaten.”

“That’s
appreciated,” Hermes says, and his instant relief is almost worth the
interruptions to his paperwork. The in-between places are almost full, he has
to start moving people out otherwise – well he doesn’t know what will happen,
but it won’t be good. And for that to happen, he needs to do an awful lot of
paperwork. So he better make this quick.

~

Sisyphus is far
from the first person Icarus has dragged to the depths of the Tartarus. So he’s
not sure how, exactly, he’s the one that ends up pinned and tied to a mountain
as the mortal darts away. Which is annoying, but it’s not like there’s many
places to hide in Tartarus, and he some celestial ropes aren’t really enough to
keep him bound for long.

What is should have
been was only a mild inconvenience.

Instead, it becomes
something so much worse.

In the few hours it
takes him struggle free, great hulking figures have already drawn near, and
Icarus isn’t just the son of an inventor anymore, he’s Thanatos, the Death God,
he’s Hades’s lover and the current king of the underworld.

But in all his long
years on this plane, in all the times he’s been to Tartarus, he’s never
actually seen a titan up close before.

Three of them crowd
around him now, their rotting, pulsating power like a stench clogging his nose
and lungs. He tries to leave, to slip through the planes of this place like he
has so many times before, but nothing happens. He tries again, and again, and
again, but nothing happens.

He’s stuck.

Keep reading

warriormaggie:

friendlytroll:

katjohnadams:

anais-ninja-blog:

witchcraft-with-space-bean:

avantgaye:

m4ge:

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

Actual conversation I had at register:

“Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

Fuck, this was an absolute roller coaster of emotions. 

@onthenilerivah

kvothes:

on the first day of class my astronomy professor asked us why the night sky was dark. if our universe is infinite, how can there be spaces between the stars? he didn’t answer the question until the last day– because our universe is relatively young, and is still growing. it is finite. not enough stars or galaxies have been formed to fill up the entire night sky.

but what that means to me is that somewhere, in an older universe, the night sky looks like a tapestry of diamonds. somewhere darkness is pale white and glittering. imagine being so surrounded. i haven’t gotten that image out of my head ever since– you could never navigate under such a sky but god it sounds lovely

hellenhighwater:

hellenhighwater:

mewwitch:

yawpkatsi:

hellenhighwater:

yawpkatsi:

Concept: Some jackass shows Bucky how to make a blog and it becomes really popular. Not because it’s the blog of James Buchanan Barnes, American Legend, War Hero, Infamous Assassin, Alleged Terrorist. Nobody even knows it’s his blog. It gets really popular because people think it’s a really great shitpost generator or something. Because Bucky is just a Weird Fucking Person and everything he posts on his fucking personal blog comes off as somewhere between dril and Jaden Smith and people are like “this is some quality garbage right here” and thus Accidental Memelord Bucky is born.

Bucky posts things like

“What is wrong with bananas. I ate a banana today and it was Wrong. America why”

“Every time I put on my eye makeup it gets bigger. My whole face is eyeliner now.”

“Why does friendship feel so much like punching”

“When I wake up in the middle of the night I am either thinking ‘who am I? does my life have meaning?’ or “did I already eat all of the plums?’”

“Why are you so grumpy” they ask me. they do not realize this is just my Face.”

“I know i said i would give my left arm for a cup of coffee but i am more awake now and i would like my arm back please”

“I guess I must have done something horrible in a past life. I mean. I definitely did something horrible in this life, so. “

OMG I LOVEEEE

YEEESSSSSSS!

“Guy in front of me won’t move his car seat up. I think that might still be upset about all those times I tried to kill him.”

“Got lectured by a guy who had been complaining about how things were Back In The Day. I don’t understand why he got upset. I too lived through the Great Depression and was drafted for the War.”

“The economy in this century sucks. Who exactly though another Stock Market crash was a good idea?”

“Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.”

“‘If you don’t behave we’ll send (mutual) after you.’ Jokes on them. I’m the one who trained them to be an assassin in the first place.”

“Tried to buy a Chicken Dinner candy bar at the supermarket today. Turns out they were discontinued 54 years ago. Super bummed.”

“Wait. People were on the moon?! We got into space? There is a way off of this rock?! Why am I only just hearing about this?!”

“’Have you been living under a rock the past 50 years?’ No I was cryogenically frozen for 70. I don’t appreciate your tone young man.”

“My friend likes convincing people that I’m the Reckless one in our friendship. As if he won’t find an alley behind a bar to pick a fight in if I take my eyes off him for two seconds.”

“Why would i want to get a haircut when instead I can look like i just returned from a 12 year jaunt in the wilderness every time i grow a beard”

“was having a hard time finding noodles in the grocery store & asked a clerk for help. she looked at me like a crazy person. lady, it’s not my fault you don’t speak russian”

“what kind of idiot thinks dancers are sissies? literally every ballerina i have ever met could kill an adult man with just her legs”

“today i discovered Conditioner. the future is a miracle and my hair like a cloud now”

“apparently just jumping on to a moving bus when you are running late is not a thing people do anymore. please stop yelling at me.”

“went to a club last night to see what the hip kids were into. apparently the latest thing is just having sex standing up with your clothes on in a room full of people.”

“on the one hand, people dressed much nicer in the 40s. on the other hand, yoga pants.”

“rode in a car with heated seats today. it is my house now. i live here.”

“i have acquired a small bear. i am putting a collar and leash on him. he is my dog. no one tell animal control”

“i am working on this whole Good Guy thing but anyone who cuts me in line at starbucks deserves to have their kneecaps shot out okay”

“why did they have to make escalators so terrifying to get on and off of? from now on I’m just jumping off the mall balconies. none of this awful moving teeth staircase”

“i don’t care if it’s a ‘priceless historical artifact,’ punk, i didn’t wanna do the dishes and it makes a pretty good spaghetti bowl”

“hoodie pockets are so great. i can fit like three sandwiches and a grenade in there and my hands are still warm”

“i really though we would have flying cars by now. the future is such a letdown.”

“changed sam’s ringtone to jesus take the wheel.”

“do you know that feeling when you go to lean on your short friend’s conveniently arm-rest-height shoulder but you forget they had a huge growth spurt and you just awkwardly lean your elbow into the middle of their bicep”

“i swear i didn’t know your girlfriend was coming over. i always ominously clean my assault weapons on the coffee table like that. it had nothing to do with you.”

thequeerofthenorth:

buippy:

banana-fishies:

buippy:

buippy:

really loving the picture of superman from the justice league movie with his poorly digitally removed mustache 

ohhhhhhhh i love it

they couldn’t get henry cavill to shave his mustashe??

the story goes that after they finished shooting justice league, henry cavill grew a mustache for some other movie he’s going in, and they told him “you are NOT allowed to shave your mustache until we are done filming this movie.” but, something happened and they had to do a bunch of reshoots for justice league with joss whedon at the same time.. and for whatever reason, they decided the best thing to do was to just digitally remove his mustache. and here we are