“because we’re delta airlines / and life is a fucking nightmare”
“SCATTER!!!!!!!!”
“…which is some racist-ass bullshit, but also incredibly well coordinated for a group of thirteen year olds”
“i’m a little fat girl”
“the best thing about that was that after that, cars were pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece of shit move, expecting to see like a 100-year-old blind dog who’s texting while driving and drinking a smoothie, instead they see a 28-year-old healthy man trying his best”
“and i was the ONE pre-y2k asshole going ‘and also with you!’”
“Don’t you have to do a shift at school tomorrow?” *drinking like it’s the end of the world* “Ehhhh, I’ll just show a video.” “That’s why teachers show videos?!”
“So I said ‘No’, you know, like a liar”
you, a poser: god is dead
me, a necromancer and an opportunist: wait, what?
yall figure out how to hex the ruling class yet or do we gotta go over the basics again?
guess what i stole!!!
alright, who summoned the eldritch monstrosity in the closet
shut the fuck up none of you are gamers
WHOOOO’S READY TO RUUUUUMMMMBLEEE
some more:
-our combined ages are more than old enough to be dead did you ever think about that -calling all hipsters -don’t even get me STARTED on that new meme, i swear to god, the kind of day i have had- -move im gay -aint none of your goddamn business where ive been -greetings fellow sinners -its ok im here we can start now
I’ve coined a new term for the gallows humor that my generation indulges in because we have an overheating planet, a dim political future, a crushing economy, and a real avocado toast problem:
ok i think ive come up with a playlist that encompasses all known uniquely human experiences:
“arsonists lullaby” by hozier, “closer” by nine inch nails, “running up that hill (a deal with god)” by kate bush, and “loveshack” by the B-52s.
these experiences are, of course: arson, horny depression, 3 am manic episode trying to bargain with god, and when youve got you a car thats as big as a whale and youre heading on down to the love shack
okay just stay with me for a second and think about kids whose parents drop them off at conventions or even chaperone them at conventions.
I hear kids now a’days say stuff like “I hope my mom doesn’t see anything weird while she’s dropping me off,” and I find out they define weird as a bearded man in a seifuku or a Jojo cosplayer.
In 2007 you had to pray to god your dad didn’t pull up the the convention center to see Sasuke Uchiha bent over, both hands on the ground, ass in the sky, bracing himself as a Kingdom Hearts character raises a yaoi paddle behind their damn head, readying the swing.
like I am by NO means saying conventions aren’t still wildly surreal reaches deep into a very humid corner of hell
but we’ve definitely managed to claw our way from the inner-circle to maybe, like, the third level.
sparksoffandommagic 