imo he was being super salty about that tendency guys have to blame their anatomy for their bad choices
it’s like “oh i don’t want to be a creepo but my dick has a mind of its own” “well here’s a scissors fix your life”
or maybe, you know, have some damn respect, and don’t pretend you don’t have a choice of whether to be nasty
i think people have a tendency to take jesus literally when he was actually throwing shade, or to take things in this really smarmy martyrish way when they’re actually pretty snippy
i mean “turn the other cheek” sounds like being a doormat until you picture how it would play out: someone smacks you, and you turn and go “do it again, go on, take a swing buddy, does that make you feel better, do you feel like a winner now?” cuz you know what 90% of the time they will get curled up shame toes and shuffle off
tl;dr: no jesus did not actually want you to take a spoon to your eyeballs for babe watching, he wanted you to take responsibility for how you treat people
All of the actions Jesus told his followers to perform are actually passive-aggressive actions meant to oppose and resist Jerusalem’s Roman colonizers. Like,
turning the other cheek is actually a matter of forcing the Roman to either break proper slapping etiquette or to hit you properly- thereby treating you as an equal instead of someone he’s subjugating. If a debtor is taking all your possessions in court, you include the shirt off your back so his greed is causing you to commit public nudity. And when a soldier forces you to carry his equipment (as per the law of the time), you go the extra mile with him- literally carrying his bag beyond the distance that the law stipulates and therefore making the action illegal.
Context matters.
Jesus was a radical, rebellious, snarky twentysomething. Always remember that.
the aesthetic of american far right christianity is horrifying
run-down signs screaming about hell in the middle of nowhere is my aesthetic though
You don’t know true pants-shitting fear until you’re driving in the middle of nowhere, not a single sign of civilization as far as the eye can see, haven’t seen another living being in three hours, and then out of nowhere suddenly looms a half-destroyed barn with the words “HELL IS REAL” painted on what remains of the roof.
I’ll be honest, you could say most of these were from a horror game and I wouldn’t doubt you.
Implying America isn’t a horror game lately.
America isn’t a game. It is just a horror.
Visible from i-40, between Interstate 40 and old Route 66, the Groom, TX cross
it’s located right by the I-75 highway and anyone driving in or out of cincinnati could see it from the road and it was horrifying the first time i saw it because i felt like i was about to die.
the statue was called king of kings, but i only ever heard it referred to as touchdown jesus. just imagine yourself kicking a football through those lofty open arms…..ohio 1, satan 0.
in 2010 touchdown jesus was very sadly struck by lightning and burned down, possibly because so many heathens were calling him touchdown jesus and imagining playing football with the lord. or possibly because that’s just what happens when you build a giant styrofoam and fiberglass statue next to an artificial pond on a hill in the middle of rural ohio.
fortunately our good friends down in englewood have contingency plans for god’s wrath and the end of the world, so they built a new statue named lux mundi. unfortunately, lux mundi is not as amped to play football.
but he does look like he’s down for hugs.
RIP, touchdown jesus. we miss you. 😢
The skeletal remains of touchdown Jesus is one of the more horrifying things I’ve seen.
I’m glad someone took the time to share the glory that is touch down jesus. Bless.
My favorite thing about the dystopian christianity of the bible belt is that its always interspersed with signs for adult emporiums
Sign *SEX SEX SEX* Sign “REPENT SINNER” Sign “LIONS DEN ADULT GOODS” Sign “Culvers next two exits, more cheese curds than you need in your entire life Sign “GOD WAITS FOR YOU CHILD” Sign *blond woman positively bursting out of her nighty* “MORE PORN THAN ANYWHERE AROUND”
This is the greatest progression of events I have ever read, where’s my historical gay romance novel about this
KING JAMES, CAN YOU CHILL?
Local King Cannot Stop Promoting His Boyfriend
where’s the lush period drama about this series of events?
fun thing about king James, this guy was fairly public about his bf (more public than what was acceptable). He threw lots of extravagant parties with his man on his arm. It pissed off the church obviously so to get them off his back, he’s the one that ordered the third translation of the Bible from Hebrew to English (the King James Version aka the Authorized Version) so the Bible every hot blooded all American Christian reads today was literally just written so a very gay king could fuck his boyfriend in peace.
oh my god this is hilarious
“guys, guys. I know this looks kinda gay, and i promise i have a good explanation for all this, but have you considered… that jesus… is also gay? checkmate, heteros.”
going through my microsoft word archives is great fun because i always find the wildest shit in there and by “the wildest shit” i mean the time i tried to rewrite the entire bible from scratch at the age of eleven and a half
“And so Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden, and Eve turned to Adam and said, ‘Nice going, loser.‘”
iconic
whilst you were listening to avril lavigne, i learned the way of the Lord
:OOOOOOO do those 4 nonbinary genders have names? ive head of culture-specific genders like two spirit but never this !!
also ur right nb people have been around since forever
HEY HI HELLO I AM HERE TO TALK ABOUT MY FAVORITE TOPIC JEWISH NONBINARY GENDERS
ahem
yeah so we have 4 nonbinary genders!!! or. like 4 trans genders. 2 are binary but 2 are nonbinary
androgynos: sort of controversial as to who can and can’t use it, as it refers to someone who is biologically male and female. i personally don’t think non-intersex ppl can use it because it seems to be intersex-only, but im not intersex, so any intersex ppl who wanna comment on it can totally correct me.
tumtum (thats me!!!): cutest name ever, to begin with. second of all, has a “hidden” gender. really hard to explain but the tumtum is p much just “yeah you can do whatever you want”. they have the choice of presenting male or female and it can change and stuff. its somewhere between genderfluid and agender.
Well, according to Ezekiel 1 they might look something like this…
According to Daniel 10 something like this…
According to Isaiah 6…
In Ezekiel 10…
Again in Ezekiel 10…
Basically, when the people writing Scripture tried to describe what they saw when they saw an angel… they run into the end of their imagination… they can never quite seem to fully explain it because they had trouble even comprehending what they saw, let alone being able to describe it to someone else.
Yeah, that’s usually how people responded to seeing them in the Bible…
There’s a good reason why angels’ standard greeting is ‘Do not be afraid’.
I used to listen to this radio show and one thing I remember because it was so funny was a Christmas special where an angel showed up to tell the shepherds about the birth of Christ. The conversations went:
Angel: “FEAR NOT.”
Shepherds: *screaming*
Angel: “I SAID FEAR NOT.”
Shepherds: *screaming LOUDER*
Angel: “WHAT PART OF FEAR NOT ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING?”
So demons are fallen angels but they don’t look scary because they’re fallen, that’s just what all angels look like…
Maybe that’s why so many Christians see visions of Saints or the Virgin Mary instead…like Jesus is all…no, no see being human made me realize sending Angels might not be the best idea. I don’t know if humans can handle this. So I’m gonna just send mom
Jesus: It’s either Mom or the thousand eyed flaming wheel, Dad, do you really think the humans are gonna be chill with that when they’re terrified of spiders already?
God: Hey now, some of those spiders eat birds.
Jesus: …Dad…
God: …To be fair, Australian wildlife was my dark creation phase.
sparksoffandommagic 