– everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
– everything draco does ever
– calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
– calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
– colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
– shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
– [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
– every single cat is professor mcgonagall
why
– POTTER
– ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it – “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
– [random object] is totally a hufflepuff
– remember that game where someone yells “SHATNER” and you have to overact? same thing except it’s “TRELAWNEY” and you have to use whatever you’re holding to make a ludicrous prediction
– a more popular variation is “LOCKHART” to make up a pompous story about using whatever you’re holding to drive the [monster] out of [town]
– calling hippogriffs “leggy birbs”
– “Our beloved headmaster Albert Dumpsterfire/Aqueous Disillusionment/Aberdeen Decapitation…”
– shitty incantations ( “The Graying Hair Charm? Make-me-bloody-ancient-osia.” )
reblogging for albert dumpsterfire xD
-the dumbledore one, except you keep adding incorrect names, like albert pensive wallace herbert richard flamingo sherbet tango luthor…
-*peeves appears* IT DAT BOI
-”i’d rather be petrified”
-”so a shack gets to scream and it’s all normal and haunted, but when i do it i’m disturbing class and a nuisance”
My class 10/10 lost the plot today. I don’t even know where to start or how to explain to their parents that I think they’ve all turned into tiny little rebels.
9:10 – we are studying a report about Chernobyl in guided reading. Several are looking at me gone out when I explain that nuclear power can be dangerous. “So why use it?” one asks. Why indeed.
9:12 – we are now discussing renewable energy. Several more express outrage and ask why the country doesn’t have to use renewable energy. Several more state that we should avoid pollution because it kills polar bears and stuff right, Miss?
9:13 – I mention that it’s a complicated issue because of different viewpoints, and that certain people, say Drumpf, don’t believe in climate change.
9:14 – chaos.
9:15 – small child suggests someone murder Drumpf. I say that murder is both bad and illegal.
9:16 – the class have learned the word impeach and are shouting IMPEACH TRUMP IMPEACH TRUMP IMPEACH TRUMP while banging on the tables.
9:17 – headteacher comes in to see what is going on. Small child tells him quite angrily that SOME PEOPLE JUST DECIDE TO NOT BELIEVE IN SCIENCE WHICH YOU CAN’T DO BECAUSE IT’S SCIENCE. He backs out of the room quite quickly.
9:25 -I have abandoned plans for grammar and the children are now writing persuasive pieces about Why We Should Use Renewable Energy.
The saga continued after lunch when we continued our WW2 topic work, learning about the holocaust.
1:35 – we are discussing Kristalnacht. The class are collectively outraged and appalled. One is in tears.
1:40 – “Miss, I fucking hate Hitler.” that’s okay, but please express your hatred of fascism without the F word or I’ll have to ring your Mum again.
2:00 – small child who suggested murder earlier says “isn’t this exactly what Drumpf tried to do to the Muslims?” There’s a heady mix of realisation and outrage in the room.
2:13 – “Racism makes no sense” says a child, looking quite confused.
2:33 – “Hitler would have killed me because I’ve got cerebral palsy, right?” says a boy. He is tackle-hugged by a girl from across the table. I have to pretend I’m not crying.
2:34 – The rest of his table have made a pact to never let anyone hurt him. I am still pretending to be super chill. I am obviously failing as another child offers me a hug.
2:37 – I ask the children to look at nine examples of things the nazis did against Jewish people, and then arrange them in a diamond with what they consider the worst at the top.
2:38 – Mutiny. They all collectively decide to arrange all nine cards in a line and say that they’re all awful things so they all go at the top.
2:39 – I tell them if they kind find a way to fit a line of all nine in their books then fair enough. Smart child suggests a circle. Everyone cheers. We have a break, and they go outside raging about Hitler, Drumpf, racism, prejudice and injustice in general. I am handed a very strong tea by my TA who congratulates me on my gang of angry eleven year olds.
Faith in humanity both challenged and restored. Bring on tomorrow.
I feel like my niece is in this class. Just. Spiritually. She isn’t, she’s Australian, but that is absolutely the reaction she’d have.
I can imagine why – they turn up at Jack’s unexpectedly and Shitty is sitting on the sofa in his underwear.
Shitty is all over Jack and compliments him constantly. Jack always blushes a little at compliments because he’s Jack, and whichever Falconer is present takes that as confirmation of their secret relationship. (Jack can accept compliments about his hockey because he works hard at that. His looks etc. not so much and he’s disinclined to believe them).
Shitty cuddles Jack and more than one Falconer has seen it.
Jack makes a conscious effort to not talk about Bitty too much, but does talk about Shitty and how he’s his ‘best friend’ and at Harvard Law. Further confirmation and there are silent eyebrow conversations between Falconers.
Then one of them sees Shitty and Lardo making out at a home game and ALERT ALERT, they all prepare for Jack to be moody and upset except he’s not? They are confused and start to wonder if maybe Jack’s relationship with Shitty is more open than they had thought? Or maybe Jack didn’t see?? (Then they’re wondering if they need to tell him???)
Rather than just ask Jack, Tater asks Bitty what Jack and Shitty’s deal is when Bitty is next visiting. Bitty just looks confused at Tater and then maniacal hysterical laughter and wild eyes from Bitty when he elaborates about Jack and Shitty’s secret love affair.
Jack thinks something is wrong and comes in to the kitchen to ask what is happening and he’s worried because Bitty is… acting weird. So is Tater.
“Jack, Tater was just asking about your… relationship with Shitty.”
“Uh…”
“I know secret. But we figure it out. Not care you have boyfriend,” Tater says.
Jack’s eyes now go wide.
“Shitty isn’t my boyfriend.” He looks at Bitty then, who has stopped laughing, and now is the moment that they’re going to tell someone. “Bitty is my boyfriend.”
“Is okay, you don’t need to lie.”
Then Jack and Bitty actually have to convince Tater of their relationship. They end up calling Shitty to confirm that he isn’t Jack’s secret boyfriend. Tater is still a little skeptical.
The rest of the Falconers are confused. They thought they were so on to it and had it all figured out. Then they realize that Bitty is a way better boyfriend because it increases their chances for pie a million fold.
YESSSS this is exactly what I was waiting for 😀
Ok, but I think about this post all the time. So.
The Falconers catch Jack Heart-Eyes Zimmermann texting and
smiling and blushing at his phone and they’re like
“Who ya texting, bud?”
And Jack’s like, “Um. No one. My friend. Um. Sh-shitty.”
And naturally this white lie does not go the way he planned, because half the
Falconers are like, “Sure, your *special friend* Shitty.” and the other half
are like “Sure, your special friend, *Shitty.*
So half the team thinks Jack and Shitty are an item, but
over time some of the players, let’s say Snowy and Tater, find out that Shitty is
straight.
Cue angst. But, like, second-hand friend angst.
Because Jack is secretly in love with his straight best friend.
Jack does not understand why his team keeps trying to drag
him out to bars and clubs. Or why they keep digging up random gay men and
throwing their numbers at him like it’s Mardi Gras. “Tater, I just want to head
home and Skype my friend.”
“Your friend Shitty?”
*Guilty pause.* “Yeah?”
Snowy and Tater try to do an intervention, but 110% to 0%
Zimmermann walks into the room, sees the metal folding chairs, does an about
turn and nopes the fuck right out.
Somehow Snowy gets ahold of Shitty’s information and, like a
weirdo, he just drives to Shitty’s house. Shitty answers the door, mostly
naked, but Snowy is too pissed to care. “You need to quit leading Jack on!”
“Hey, Snowy, right? Nice to meet you.”
“Jack has been in love with you for years but you keep
leading him on and we’re sick of it!!!”
Shitty’s expression is completely blank. Snowy keeps getting
distracted by his mustache. “Cool cool. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be
sure to talk to Jack about that.”
Snowy abruptly feels foolish. All this pent up rage and
protectiveness and then Shitty is just. Closing the door. Snowy stands there
for a dumb moment, glaring at the white door. “Yeah? Good!” he snaps, and then
flees.
Later Shitty shows up to the Falconers’ rink with a boom box
and proclaims his love for Jack Zimmermann very loudly. Jack methodically
unlaces his skates and takes them off, pads through the seats in his socks and
lifts the boom box off him. Then he tackles Shitty into oblivion. All the
Falconers take Shitty’s screaming as enthusiasm. They smile a lot, because Jack
is so repressed and it’s nice to see him physical with his sweetheart. Even if
it does sound painful.
At some point Tater sees Bitty and Jack together and is
like, “Has he moved on or…is he cheating on Shitty???
also, i really want there to be more vampires and so on who, instead of speaking in a charming, cultured, but vaguely old-fashioned way because they are a 275-year-old consciousness in an undead, unaging 19-year-old body, talk in embarrassingly misapplied or outdated slang and pop culture references in a failed effort to blend in with their apparent peer group
…or who speak pretty normally most of the time, but lapse into saying stuff like “GOD’S WOUNDS, YOU CUR“ when they get upset enough
vampires who got turned 30 years ago and still say “radical”
vampires who just use WAY too much 90s slang. vampires who say “booyah” when they get too excited.
vampires who mix all slang from the past 5 centuries mercilessly within the same breath and don’t even try to stop it anymore.
Unhand me, you egg-sucking, lily-livered, jive-talking, whackadoo. Foul villain! Cur! I bite my thumb at thee, you ugly motherfucker, so hasta la bye bye, daddy-o!
[Calm, relaxed piano music plays throughout the video while a monotone voice speaks. Most of the narration is accompanied by text that says the same thing, unless stated otherwise.
“How to Read Sheet Music. By a twelve-year-old.” A quick, high-pitched beep sounds, accompanied by a screen full of brightly-coloured rectangles. “By someone not qualified to talk about sheet music. Let’s start with the staff.”
A staff is visible in the middle of the screen: five horizontal black lines with a treble clef on the far left side. “This is a staff. This symbol at the beginning tells you which clef to play. There are two main clefs: the low one–” a bass clef is shown in the place of the treble clef– “and the high one.” The treble clef returns.
“There are also some more obscure clefs that you’ll never be told about.” An alto clef is shown, then an image of hand-written sheet music. The upper left corner of the image is circled in red, and inside the circle is a clef that the captioner doesn’t know. Underneath the image reads: “The 7 Clefs Music Teachers Don’t Want You to Know!”
“The two main clefs, treble and bass, are connected by a middle note we call C.” Two staves are shown, one on top of the other, with a treble clef in the top staff and a bass clef in the bottom one. The middle note, C, appears when the narrator mentions it, and the corresponding note plays. “You’ll find that a lot of music stuff is based around C. Except tuning, that’s based around A.” An A is shown on the treble clef staff, and the note plays. “Unless you play in a band, then it’s based on the note right above A.” A sharp symbol is added to the A, and an A# plays.
“That is, assuming you play an instrument that calls notes what they actually are. Instruments that call notes what they actually are include these.” On the left side of the screen is a list of instruments that includes: ‘flutes, strings, keyboards, trombones & tubas, bassoons, oboes’.
“While instruments that don’t call notes what they actually are include these.” On the right side of the screen is a list of instruments that includes: ‘clarinets, trumpets, saxophones, French horns, mellophones, some euphoniums, weird flutes, recorders, bugles, cornets, weird trombones & tubas.’
“Notes are found on the lines and spaces of the staff. They all sound different, and if you put them together, they sound nice.” A staff with a treble clef is shown, and as the narrator talks, several notes of different values appear on the staff and then fade out. When the narrator says ‘they sound nice’, a D flat and a C appear on the staff and play together, creating dissonance.
“This is a whole note.” A whole note is shown. “Sometimes it gets four beats–” a 4/4 time signature is shown to the left of the whole note– “sometimes it doesn’t.” A 9/8 time signature takes the place of the previous one.
“This is a half note.” A half note is shown. “It gets half the length of a whole note. A quarter note gets half the length of that–” a quarter note is shown– “while an eighth note gets half the length of that.” An eighth note is shown. “This pattern continues on for a bit–” a line of notes is shown; from left to right, a whole note, a half note, a quarter note, an eighth note, and a sixteenth note– “so you can make notes as short as you please. For example, the 256th note–” a 256th note is shown– “or the demisemihemidemisemiquaver. You’ll find that information very useful.”
Two staves are shown, eight measures between them. Several notes are shown, including a whole rest in the last measure. “Now that you know the notes and rhythms, it’s time to move on to the important stuff, and figure out what all these symbols mean.” Several symbols are added to the staves, including volume markers, a 6/8 time signature, and a fermata. “So let’s just go through them.”
A breath mark is shown: “This reminds you when to breathe. In case you forget to breathe.”
A pause is shown: “Stop playing, contemplate, and continue playing.”
A common-time symbol is shown: “This is easy.” A half-time symbol is shown: “This is not.”
A 5/4 time signature is shown: “Counting to five has never been more difficult.”
The word Solo is shown: “You were never informed of this.”
A mezzo-piano symbol (mp) is shown: “Meh.” A piano symbol (p) is shown: “Be soft.” A pianissimo symbol (pp) is shown: “Softer.” A pianississimo symbol (ppp) is shown: “Don’t even bother.”
A mezzo-forte symbol (mf) is shown: “Meh.” A forte symbol (f) is shown: “Be loud.” A fortissimo symbol (ff) is shown: “Louder.” A fortississimo symbol (fff) is shown: “Don’t even bother.”
A forte-piano symbol (fp) is shown: “Play loud, and then don’t.” A sforzando symbol (sfz) is shown: “Play loud, and then… don’t.”
The word Subito is shown: “If you’re reading this, it’s already too late.”
A Coda and a segno are shown: “So you go back when… no, wait…”
A tremolo is shown: the audio is the noise that happens when one makes an “oo” sound and runs their finger up and down over their lips.
A glissando is shown: “This is only fun when playing trombone. …And is also the only fun thing about playing trombone.”
A ritardando (rit.) and an accelerando (accel.) are shown: “You should probably stop staring at the paper.”
The word Soli is shown: “Like a solo, but everyone gets credit.”
An 8-measure rest is shown: “You’re unimportant.” A 64-measure rest is shown: “You’re very unimportant.”
A repeat-measure symbol (it looks like a percent sign) is shown: “At least you’re playing.”
A repeat symbol (double bar with two dots) is shown: “You thought it was over.”
A Triad of three whole notes are shown, (three notes, one on top of the other but skipping the note in between each) : “Someone’s playing the wrong note.”
A double bar is shown: “Just… stop.”
The screen cuts to black, then shows black text that reads: “This guide has been brought to you by Julian Cianciolo. Please read sheet music responsibly.”
The calming piano music is abruptly interrupted by the D flat and C from earlier being played over and over and over again, until the end of the video finally cuts it off.]
sparksoffandommagic 