i’m watching a british youtuber’s birthday stream and an aussie viewer sent in a comment saying “why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all? because he had no say in it, no say in it at all” which was received with confused existential horror, and this is how i just discovered that australian happy birthday songs are not universal
oops
do you not sing this in other countries?!?!??
NO we do not sing a lament for someone’s personal beauty wishing they’d never been born. That is some weird Greek tragedy shit.
In the midst of all this negativity I’m feeling, I just remembered that yesterday a group of 13 year old boys tried to sale me a huge ass tree branch covered in flowers and when I declined one of the boys leaned over to his friend and whispered “but I thought gay guys loved plants? Did you lie to me Danny?” And that is probably one of the funniest interactions I have ever been a part of
theres this guy on youtube who just gets stung by increasingly deadly/painful insects and the videos are like 5 minutes of him getting psyched up to sting himself and then 10 minutes of him lying on the ground shrieking in agony
His name is Coyote Petersen and he is like what if your nerdy cub scouts leader made a youtube channel where he does nothing but have himself get bitten by gators and stung by insects for views in the hopes it will make people like him.
Oh my god I love him. Ocelot Friend (Coyote Peterson) is the BEST
He once climbed a tree to get a coconut, reached for it, then joyfully shouted “I caught an iguana! I’m putting it in my pocket!”
He then DOES SO and finishes collecting coconuts. He named the iguana Wilson and, upon releasing him, did an EXCELLENT recreation of the “Wilson floats away” scene from Castaway.
He gets stung/bitten/injured intentionally to show what basic first aid can be done, and accidental injuries are also used as teachable moments. As far as the extremely painful stings went, he was challenged to get stung by a bullet ant but decided to work his way up the insect pain index scale first so he had some idea of how bad it was going to be. He also insisted on catching each insect first. For the tarantula hawk, he caught it but also fell into a cactus while doing so, and then used that as a teaching moment of what to do when you fall into a fucking cactus.
His camera guys are the best, too. They do much breaking of the fourth wall and make snarky comments periodically. They provide much first aid for some reason.
Coyote is basically what you get if Steve Irwin and a golden retriever had a baby.
Reblogging primarily because I’ll never meet a cooler concept than a guy named Ocelot Friend.
1. hates donald trump
2. got his ear pierced at claires because why not
3. legit asks people to beat him up in action scenes EVEN NOW AS AN OLD MAN
4. is arguably one of the most iconic star wars characters yet couldnt give less of a crap abt star wars
5. the universe tried to kill him (or at least permanently incapacitate him) twice in 2015 and it only mildly inconvenienced him
6. flies helicopters in search and rescue missions
7. was in his 40s for the majority of the indiana jones series which is insane when you think about all the stunts involved
8. quote “the director yells cut and harrison cracks open a beer and then builds a fucking shed”
9. arguably sexy
10. points angrily and its super effective
11. is just a really sweet person 12. no really my dad worked with him on firewall as the tech advisor and he was just a really swell guy 13. got my mom’s birth date from my dad and sent her flowers 14. he sent my mom flowers for her birthday 15. he didn’t even know her he just wanted to be sweet
this was a beautiful and necessary edition to this post thank you oh my god
When he was asked to be in Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video, in which he pulled up alongside them in a car and gave Jimmy a little wink and an air-kiss, when he showed up at the set he looked kind of put out. Kimmel was afraid he wasn’t down with what they were asking. But he just said, “I don’t know, this wardrobe…don’t you have anything mesh that I could wear?”
When he was filming “Witness” he rented a small farm from a friend of mine. At the end of the filming my friend went and checked out the property as usual. He noticed the barn door had been leveled so it no longer would swing open on it’s own. Went into the house and saw the closets had been redone, in the kitchen the cabinets had been replaced and all the drawers now opened really well. Turns out that there were thousands of dollars of work and materials put into fixing up everything at the place.
My friend called Ford and asked him how much he was asking for the work. Ford told him doing that kind of thing helped him relax and stay sane when he was filming. Would not take a dime. Plus he paid for a new water heater and got the sewage system cleaned out.
And he paid rent to live there the entire time.
Local Carpenter Stumbles Into Stardom, Worries This May Interfere With His Carpentry
My step sister was driving through Wyoming once, near Ford’s ranch. She stops for gas, and as she’s filling up, this huge motorcycle roars in behind her, scared the pants off her. The rider, dressed in all black steps off, and she yells at him “who do you think you are blasting in here like that, you Darth Vader looking motherfucker?”. He takes off the helmet, and it’s Harrison Ford, and without missing a beat he says
“Hey! I’m not Darth Vader, I’m Luke Skywalker”
From the co-production designer on The Force Awakens, Darren Gilford:
“The Millennium Falcon was the first thing we were actually building. I had been in London and I came home back to L.A. for Christmas. So I go to Sports Chalet to do some last-minute shopping; I get there early, run to the back of the store, get what I need. I’m coming back through the store, and I just happen to pass this person holding up a pair of ski pants, and it’s Harrison Ford. I look at him, he looks at me and puts his head right down. I can tell he doesn’t want to be bothered; I’m sure from the look on my face he knew I knew who he was.
So I walk past him, and after about 10 feet I think, ‘If there’s ever a time to say hello to Harrison Ford, I’m building the Millennium Falcon!’ So I turn around very hesitantly and go, ‘Harrison, I’m sorry to bother you. I’m co-production designer on the new Star Wars, I’m just back from London, and I’ve been building the Falcon.’ A big smile came across his face, he put his hand out, and we had such a great conversation — he couldn’t have been sweeter.
As I’m walking away, he goes, ‘Darren!’ and calls me back. He goes, ‘The toggle switches.’ I go, ‘Toggle switches.’ He goes, ‘The toggle switches on the Falcon. When they built it the first time, they bought cheap toggle switches without any springs in them. Every time I threw a toggle switch, it fell back; it wouldn’t hold. It drove me crazy. Please, make sure the toggle switches are fixed this time.’ I go, ‘No problem! I’ll take care of it!’
So months go by, I’m back in London, we’re getting close [to principal photography], and I get a phone call saying J.J.’s headed down to check out the cockpit, and Harrison’s with him. I run down there and I see J.J. in the passenger seat and Harrison in the pilot seat. They’re just giddy; they’re having so much fun. And then I see Harrison look up, and he just starts throwing all the toggle switches: boom, boom, boom, boom. [Laughs.] And I remember thinking, ‘Phew, minor victory. Take solace in that and move on. Next task.’ That’s my favorite story.”
HARRISON FORD SMILES WHEN MEETING CREW MEMBERS AND IS A NERD FOR FUNCTIONING PRODUCTION DESIGN
Don’t forget about his Halloween costumes
Harrison ford is a chaotic-good-aligned cryptid, confirmed
I once took a class in college on the American Mafia, called “The Psychology of the Modern American Crime Syndicate”, but it was like “how to be in the mob 101” taught by a man whose father worked for notorious gangster Lucky Luciano after he was exiled to Sicily. Luciano had this really nice house, and his dad was like his right-hand man in regard to everything, (he called him a Signore-attendant, basically he was like his bff) and so my teacher spent a lot of time around the father of organized crime when he was a kid (6-12 years old). He said that Luciano became like an uncle to him, cause Luciano himself didn’t have any kids, but he was fond of kids in general and he really liked this little guy (my teacher). Apparently, there was this one story about how when Luciano and Meyer Lansky were first working for Arnold Rothstein in like 1918 or something, he sent them out ahead of him to Chicago to meet with some guy there, and it’s a good thing he did, cause there was this ambush set up to kill Rothstein in a restaurant. Luciano and Lansky hightail it back to the lower east side of Manhattan, and report back to him what they saw, but one detail was CRUCIAL to the story: the color of the tablecloth. Luciano said it was white, Lansky said it was beige. They spent like an hour arguing over the color of the tablecloth, they argued so long, in fact, that Rothstein went home and came back a few hours later to find Lansky with a black eye and Luciano icing his hand, fuming in the corner. My teacher wanted to know if it was true, so he asked him when he was 11 years old, while Luciano was reading in his parlor (like outside his bedroom) late one night. Luciano looked at him, took a sip of wine, walked down the hallway and simply said “don’t tell Meyer Lansky this, but it was beige”. That’s my all time fave story about ANYONE, cause he DENIED the fact that it was beige for decades, and that’s something I would do.
i love everything about this screenshot. i love the comedic composition of it. the original message sent at 4:11 AM. the typos. the yeehaw. the lack of response from anyone else in the chat. White Castle
and then, in perfect grammar and syntax, one hour and 23 minutes later, the realization of the mistake. the regret. the folly of man
i showed aujah this and she’s informed me that the event that triggered the second text was her accidentally ringing up a customer for 275 cheese sticks and the guy was also too high to notice until he had almost swiped his card and stopped and said “wait.”
Dude the kicker of this post is that she’s an employee
My current job has me working with children, which is kind of a weird shock after years in environments where a “young” patient is 40 years old. Here’s my impressions so far:
Birth – 1 year: Essentially a small cute animal. Handle accordingly; gently and affectionately, but relying heavily on the caregivers and with no real expectation of cooperation.
Age 1 – 2: Hates you. Hates you so much. You can smile, you can coo, you can attempt to soothe; they hate you anyway, because you’re a stranger and you’re scary and you’re touching them. There’s no winning this so just get it over with as quickly and non-traumatically as possible.
Age 3 – 5: Nervous around medical things, but possible to soothe. Easily upset, but also easily distracted from the thing that upset them. Smartphone cartoons and “who wants a sticker?!!?!?” are key management techniques.
Age 6 – 10: Really cool, actually. I did not realize kids were this cool. Around this age they tend to be fairly outgoing, and super curious and eager to learn. Absolutely do not babytalk; instead, flatter them with how grown-up they are, teach them some Fun Gross Medical Facts, and introduce potentially frightening experiences with “hey, you want to see something really cool?”
Age 11 – 14: Extremely variable. Can be very childish or very mature, or rapidly switch from one mode to the other. At this point you can almost treat them as an adult, just… a really sensitive and unpredictable adult. Do not, under any circumstances, offer stickers. (But they might grab one out of the bin anyway.)
Age 15 – 18: Basically an adult with severely limited life experience. Treat as an adult who needs a little extra education with their care. Keep parents out of the room as much as possible, unless the kid wants them there. At this point you can go ahead and offer stickers again, because they’ll probably think it’s funny. And they’ll want one. Deep down, everyone wants a sticker.
sparksoffandommagic 