I cannot believe that Hermione did not take advantage of that Rita skeeter’ article that said she was dating harry. I would be like HELL YES BITCHES I FUCKED THE BOY WHO LIVED, THE BOY WHO LIVED IS MY FUCKING SEX TOY! GUESS WHAT? HE ALSO DID DRACO MALFOY, 70% OF THE GRYFFINDOR HOUSE, YOUR SISTER, AND YOU ARE THE NEXT!
she could ask their friends to spread they also fucked harry potter to different prophet’ reporters until gets so ridiculous that it lost all credibility.
“Yes, I did the potter” -Viktor Krum
“Of course, Harry is so lovely” – Fleur Delacour
“I showed to him some nice stuff in the bath” – Cedric Digory (does not like to lie)
“He and Malfoy are often at each other” -Severus Snape and the entire Slytherin house
“At the same time” – Fred and George Weasley
“Harry truly is amazing, he is always gentle with us.” – Luna Lovegood with Neville Longbottom hiding behind her, nodding, mortified.
“Let’s just say that he can ride more than just a broom”- Oliver wood “Let’s just say that he being able to catch the snitch with his mouth was not a coincidence” – Ginerva Weasley.
“He made us gay” – Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas.
Harry does not stop glaring at everyone for the entire school year, meanwhile Ron literally cannot stop laughing
At the end of the year Dumbeldore awards Gryffindor an additional five hundred house points for Harry’s achievements at bedding the entire student body, the other teachers all have their heads in their hands they are working in a ridiculous place of ridiculous people
Santa is on strike due to global warming. All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger. Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.
terrifying monstrosity: who could possibly love me when I am a terrifying monstrosity me, stretched out on the table in front of them with a rose between my teeth: well
NO OKAY SO I HAVE SEEN AN EXTREMELY UNFORTUNATELY AMOUNT OF BACK AT THE BARNYARD
and at first I thought that the barnyard movie took place in some weird-ass alternate universe where there are no bulls, only cows in male and female because like. whatever, it’s a show for kids that has an unidentifiable weasel rat as a main character
but then I watched the show and:
LOOK AT THIS SHIT. THAT’S A FUCKING BULL.
there is an episode where otis (black and white cow above)??? pretends to be a rodeo bull??? and we meet real bulls??? literally the only conclusion to be drawn from this information is that either otis is a trans cow or in the barnyard universe there is a distinct third gender of cattle
and really, trans cow is more likely given that ben (the dark cow above) is otis’ father figure and he’s gay married to a donkey
in conclusion; don’t ever get really ill and watch six straight hours of back to the barnyard
sparksoffandommagic 