dontthinkaboutzimbits:

wheeloffortune-design:

allthingspieandhockey:

wheeloffortune-design:

but they think his boyfriend is Shitty.

 I can imagine why – they turn up at Jack’s unexpectedly and Shitty is sitting on the sofa in his underwear.

Shitty is all over Jack and compliments him constantly. Jack always blushes a little at compliments because he’s Jack, and whichever Falconer is present takes that as confirmation of their secret relationship. (Jack can accept compliments about his hockey because he works hard at that. His looks etc. not so much and he’s disinclined to believe them).

Shitty cuddles Jack and more than one Falconer has seen it.

Jack makes a conscious effort to not talk about Bitty too much, but does talk about Shitty and how he’s his ‘best friend’ and at Harvard Law. Further confirmation and there are silent eyebrow conversations between Falconers.

Then one of them sees Shitty and Lardo making out at a home game and ALERT ALERT, they all prepare for Jack to be moody and upset except he’s not? They are confused and start to wonder if maybe Jack’s relationship with Shitty is more open than they had thought? Or maybe Jack didn’t see?? (Then they’re wondering if they need to tell him???)

Rather than just ask Jack, Tater asks Bitty what Jack and Shitty’s deal is when Bitty is next visiting. Bitty just looks confused at Tater and then maniacal hysterical laughter and wild eyes from Bitty when he elaborates about Jack and Shitty’s secret love affair.

Jack thinks something is wrong and comes in to the kitchen to ask what is happening and he’s worried because Bitty is… acting weird. So is Tater.

“Jack, Tater was just asking about your… relationship with Shitty.”

“Uh…”

“I know secret. But we figure it out. Not care you have boyfriend,” Tater says.

Jack’s eyes now go wide.

“Shitty isn’t my boyfriend.” He looks at Bitty then, who has stopped laughing, and now is the moment that they’re going to tell someone. “Bitty is my boyfriend.”

“Is okay, you don’t need to lie.”

Then Jack and Bitty actually have to convince Tater of their relationship. They end up calling Shitty to confirm that he isn’t Jack’s secret boyfriend. Tater is still a little skeptical. 

The rest of the Falconers are confused. They thought they were so on to it and had it all figured out. Then they realize that Bitty is a way better boyfriend because it increases their chances for pie a million fold.

YESSSS this is exactly what I was waiting for 😀

Ok, but I think about this post all the time. So.

The Falconers catch Jack Heart-Eyes Zimmermann texting and
smiling and blushing at his phone and they’re like

“Who ya texting, bud?”

And Jack’s like, “Um. No one. My friend. Um. Sh-shitty.”
And naturally this white lie does not go the way he planned, because half the
Falconers are like, “Sure, your *special friend* Shitty.” and the other half
are like “Sure, your special friend, *Shitty.*

So half the team thinks Jack and Shitty are an item, but
over time some of the players, let’s say Snowy and Tater, find out that Shitty is
straight.

Cue angst. But, like, second-hand friend angst.

Because Jack is secretly in love with his straight best friend.

Jack does not understand why his team keeps trying to drag
him out to bars and clubs. Or why they keep digging up random gay men and
throwing their numbers at him like it’s Mardi Gras. “Tater, I just want to head
home and Skype my friend.”

“Your friend Shitty?”

*Guilty pause.* “Yeah?”

Snowy and Tater try to do an intervention, but 110% to 0%
Zimmermann walks into the room, sees the metal folding chairs, does an about
turn and nopes the fuck right out.

Somehow Snowy gets ahold of Shitty’s information and, like a
weirdo, he just drives to Shitty’s house. Shitty answers the door, mostly
naked, but Snowy is too pissed to care. “You need to quit leading Jack on!”

“Hey, Snowy, right? Nice to meet you.”

“Jack has been in love with you for years but you keep
leading him on and we’re sick of it!!!”

Shitty’s expression is completely blank. Snowy keeps getting
distracted by his mustache. “Cool cool. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be
sure to talk to Jack about that.”

Snowy abruptly feels foolish. All this pent up rage and
protectiveness and then Shitty is just. Closing the door. Snowy stands there
for a dumb moment, glaring at the white door. “Yeah? Good!” he snaps, and then
flees.

Later Shitty shows up to the Falconers’ rink with a boom box
and proclaims his love for Jack Zimmermann very loudly. Jack methodically
unlaces his skates and takes them off, pads through the seats in his socks and
lifts the boom box off him. Then he tackles Shitty into oblivion. All the
Falconers take Shitty’s screaming as enthusiasm. They smile a lot, because Jack
is so repressed and it’s nice to see him physical with his sweetheart. Even if
it does sound painful.

At some point Tater sees Bitty and Jack together and is
like, “Has he moved on or…is he cheating on Shitty???