my favorite out of context quotes from my archeology professor so far in no particular order
and floridians are just as human as you and me!
and the moral of the story is that there are no deadly snakes native to alaska
you might know this guy as one of the only archaeologists cool enough to be mentioned by indiana jones
it’s my dream to have my name said by harrison ford
i’m not going to apologize for having this class at 6am because you paid for it and it’s your fault.
we don’t all dress like lara croft. i tried to get it to be a thing on a dig and my colleagues yelled at me.
they were pretty good archaeologists except they were too racist to realize anything they found.
i take back what i said about us not dressing like lara croft because lewis binford here is wearing nothing but short shorts and a cowboy hat. take notes for an academic halloween costume!
archaeologists can be good artists! not me, though. or anyone i know. but if you can draw just know you have options.
sometimes you find dead bodies when you dont really expect it and you just have to deal with it
archaeologists are the only people allowed to get exited when they find corpses.
once i ruined thanksgiving dinner when i told my family i had gotten my degree in archaeology and my uncle commented he liked dinosaurs too
the closest i’ve ever been to a grizzly bear is when i left my glasses in my tent on a dig in alaska, saw a big rock in the distance, and almost screamed
additional quotes
ah yes. archaeologists. or, as i love to call us, pottery analysts
i mean he was kind of a good guy for helping us beat britain but he owned slaves so that really cancelled it out.
archaeology is like cultural anthropology, except after you interview the person you turn around and shoot them in the head.
do not use trees! trees are bad! don’t do it!
usually you find shards, but it’s super exciting when you find a really big shard
it’s basically like a waterpark, except you’re fully clothed and walking through a dark tunnel knee deep in muddy water. so, basically splish splash.
i dont believe in curses but my colleagues and i like to encourage the idea of them so people stop touching our stuff
usually, you would find a knife in a kitchen. or underneath your pillow to really freak out your roommate who is a history nerd and has no idea why you would sleep with a knife under your pillow and he’ll get really scared and freaked out and okay i’m getting off topic
no matter what the other scientists say, archaeology is a real science.
don’t worry, i promise you, and whatever government agency that’s spying on me right now, that i’m not a crazy communist trying to overthrow the government
by now you’ve noticed the big “POP QUIZ” written on the board. there isn’t one, but i wanted to see the looks on your face when you saw it. but you’re all dead inside so it’s not really funny.
everything was fine except the citizens of pompeii just woke up dead the next day
the number one question you should ask when you read old archaeology papers is “how the hell do you know?”
nothing pisses off old men more than young people asking “why” and “prove it” so do that as often as possible
this is incredible! all it takes is a computer the size of this room!
even more from the margins of my notebook!
when in doubt, it’s ritualistic
coprolites are the only shit archaeologists get excited over
i know the only reason you’re not laughing at my hilarious jokes is because it’s early
they called it the garbage project. which is also what people call the projects i work on when we apply for funding.
what you have to realize is that people are fundamentally weird. they do weird stuff now and they have done it thousands of years ago.
things come and go but pottery is forever
i dont know if you all know this but moose are terrifying abominations.
and today’s lesson is about the difference between dirt and soil!
please, please, please do not eat old butter you found buried in a bog.
normally i would say this blackboard is a feature because it isn’t portable and can’t be moved but this is a community college so who knows
one of my biggest fears is that this will get so many notes that someone in the class will see it and show it to the professor and he’ll realize half the notes ive been taking in class are jotting down the weird shit he says
i like the idea that there are no longer such things as casual groups of friends. no, you’re in a squad. weaponize your friendships. battle other squads for social dominance. who wants to fucking fight
has actually talked to their parents more than once
i mean, i imagine you’d kinda have to unless you get friends
probably has considered running away on multiple occasions, hell even if their parents are chill it’d at least be interesting
will probably go wild in college. Either that or just…carry on.
all around fascinating human being
The First Born:
Elsa probably
Their internal monologue is just screaming
So filtered that no one knows what they actually think of them
genuinely good at things, but since they’re the first kid, they set the standard and they get stuck in this loop of believing they’ll never be good enough even though they’re /more/ than competent
can’t straight up tell people that they dislike them
The Middle Child:
Literally Can’t Do Anything Right
The only member of the family who’s allowed to make Mistakes
hates conflict but is simultaneously really fucking confrontational
Hasn’t felt an emotion other than :~) in three years
crafts their personality into a complete joke in anticipation of no one taking them seriously, living in a constant state of uncertainty as to whether or not their actions are genuinely ironic
The Second Child-A:
Type-A Personality
The list of things they’ve never done reads: “Gotten Less than a 96%, Fallen, Made a Fool of themselves In Public, etc.”
Superhuman
Seems suspiciously like the kind of person who reminds the teacher to give homework because they need to keep their 140% in Bio.
They don’t even need to be part of your family, they’ll still be your mom’s favorite child– you’re not even jealous, you’re just like “Same”.
The Second Child-T:
*the impossible dream plays softly from a distance*
like the Middle Child but engineered to be Better,
making it twice as devastating when they inevitably ruin everything
probably believes they’ve accidentally wronged the universe on some personal level and lives their life overcompensating for something they did when they were like 9-years-old
has been fixated on the same goal for the past 7 years
The Youngest of Three:
The Only Good One
is aware of that fact
has their life together, drinks more water than you will in your entire life, runs a twitter with more than 40k followers, and is only 8-years-old
cried for like three hours because they couldn’t draw a sunflower
so many friends, they all just kinda blur together
The Youngest in a Line of Many:
has all of the talent.
If your lucky, some of their talent will rub off on you.
also has all of the independence, and could probably beat you in an argument at any time of the day regardless of who’s right
Sometimes they’re like “I had to fistfight my brother for a sandwich once” and you think they’re joking around
they’re not joking around
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IS THE MOST ACCURATE THING EVER WRITTEN WHAT THE HECK
Middle child that’s me
Second child
“probably believes they’ve accidentally wronged the universe on some personal level and lives their life overcompensating for something they did when they were like 9-years-old”
IF THIS ISN’T ME
I’m the first born & this is the most accurate thing I’ve ever read in my life
sparksoffandommagic 