And I beheld, and lo, a black horse; and he that sat on him had a bread-knife in his hand. And I heard a voice say, This is under-proved, and that is over-baked; and see that thou blend thy flavors wisely.
And I looked, and behold, a pale horse: and her name that sat on him was Judgement, and Dismissal followed with her. And power was given unto her over the earth, to bake, and to taste, and to examine, and to diplomatically criticize.
And I saw under the judging table the souls of them that baked: and they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, dost thou not judge and avenge the sweat of our brow on them that write the technical challenges?
all the basic rules are the same like playstyle wise
trash talking is encouraged
you get as much time as you need but if you look away from the board your turn is over
the referee is yelling everything like a sports announcer and you cannot complain
you can take one of your pieces from the board and throw it at your opponents head but you sacrifice that piece
you have to name the king and queen something
fun additives to make the game unique:
a. close your eyes and reach into a bag of about 48 chess pieces to pull out your sixteen pieces. whatever you get is what you play and you must follow the rules of those chess pieces. if you get four queens good luck. if you get no queens good luck
b. the referee can decide to throw in as many checkers pieces as a time as they please, as long as equal pieces are distributed to both players. the players are now not only playing chess but also checkers on the same board.
Since this has gotten so many notes I feel obligated to tell y’all that I’ve never played a game of chess in my life. I don’t. I don’t even know what a rook is.
Good scenario: I do something weird, no one is around to see
Bad scenario: I do something kinda weird, someone is around and sees
Worst case scenario: an ant was just crawling on the crotch of my shorts and I said “sorry pal, you gotta buy me dinner first” and flicked it off and then immediately realized a middle aged lady was next to me and definitely heard and saw everything
I was at Adeevka where the Ukrainians are trying to take a strategically-located overpass from the Separs (I was there as a peaceful tourist who never even touched a firearm, of course) and the positions there are about 400 or so meters away from each other, so if you scream loud enough the fucks on the other side can actually hear you.
Up to this point, I’d observed a guy dropping his phone like it was going to bite him when I told him the Bruno Mars song he was playing was gay, and could reliably make people leave the room by asking them “would you rather sit on a chocolate cake and suck a dick, or eat a chocolate cake while getting fucked in the ass”, so it’s at this point in the trenches that a flash of inspiration hits me.
In my best Russian (which was utterly broken but “proper” Russian grammar is barbaric caveman-speak anyway) I scream out “next guy that shoots is gay”. And I swear to whatever god exists that two solid minutes of silence followed. It was some guns-fall-silent Christmas miracle shit
sparksoffandommagic 