Listen. I firmly believe the Falconers play “the floor is lava”
After every practice, Georgia groups everyone up for announcements, and at the end she says calmly: “the floor is lava” and twenty grown men are clamoring to the nearest climbable object, shoving each other and kicking.
In a small gas station during a long roadie, someone from somewhere in the store shouts “the floor is lava!” and ten seconds later there’s two shelves down and Jack is apologizing to a tired manager while sitting on the cashier counter, not touching the floor
During lunch in the dining area, Jack sits with Tater, Snowy, Marty, Thirdy, Guy, and Poots. They’re talking idly and quietly, guy says “so, you hear about the floor?” Jack and Marty groan, Tater grins, Poots braces for it. “it’s apparently lava” guy finishes.
There’s food knocked to the floor as Guy just continues eating his lunch like nothing.
They’ve broken two chairs, a coffee table, Jacks wrist, and a lamp.
“in which instead of actually playing hockey, the guys play shitty (pun intended) DIY punk in a band called Soft Hands. classically-trained pianist eric bittle doesn’t quite know what’s hit him.”
Bitty doing the “My Boyfriend Does My Voice Over” tag on YouTube with Jack narrating him baking a pretty basic pie and Jack still manages to fumble most of it like:
“Okay, now I’m just throwing in some…salt?…NO, SUGAR! Sugar! You don’t put salt in pies.“
“You’ve got to cut this doughy bit into strips so that you can…weave a basket cover for the pie…I don’t know, it’s called the crust, eh.”
“I don’t…I don’t know what I’m doing…”
And then there’s him just gently chirping Bittle throughout.
“I never use pre-canned fruits even though that would save me loads of time and I could actually leave some cherries in the house for Jack to eat…”
“Oh I’m dancing now…probably to Beyonce.”
“I don’t like these pans I’m using. I complain about them all the time but I think I’m being slick.”
But mostly it’s just him being totally gone on Bitty
“That’s not my shirt. That’s Jack’s shirt that he’s been looking for for three weeks…it looks better on me though.”
“I think I’ll be really excited that Jack got me the new pan set I’ve been talking about for my birthday…but it’s a surprise.”
“I look really good in the light in our kitchen. That’s why Jack has so many pictures of me in here…cause I’m beautiful.”
So I ended up doing more with that tattoo artist/florist au lol….
Bitty’s has Moomaw’s apple pie recipe on his back. Lardo’s tats are half secret, but the first one she ever got were vampire marks on her neck when she was sixteen – she was going through a phase. She and Bitty have dots on their forearms for every year they’ve been friends.
Shitty’s family owns a chain of flower shops, one of which he works in with his awkward buddy Jack. They are both smitten with the punks across the street.
question. i was reading ‘hockey shit with ransom and holster’ and i noticed this:
so, if the locker room court is judged by the captain…does that mean jack had to wear shades and dole out judgement?
i’m just thinking about sweet sweet jack zimmermann sitting in the archives trying to find precedents about old judgments from previous captains and managers. they are not organized men and women; it has taken him many hours to decipher their scrawled minutes from “court.” the librarian comes up to him, worried by the sweat on his brow and his serious expression.
“are you working on a project, dear?” she asks. (she is likely 70 years old. she went to samwell. she was alicia zimmermann’s librarian.)
“no,” jack answers, looking up at her with the most intense expression she’s ever seen on a student. “my team keeps shitting in the bus and i need to figure out how much to fine them.”
sparksoffandommagic 