I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”
I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments
Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”
My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.
I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.
please give us updates
Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”
And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying.
I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.
Why do grown ass adults want to eat Tide pods so much?
Because a ton of the visual/olfactory/textural sensory information these pods give me the match nutritionally-dense fruit. It’s got the oleic gleam of something high-fat like an avocado, but bright carotenoid-rich coloration like a berry that wants to be eaten by red-seeing primates and birds. It tends to smell sweet and slightly floral, enhancing that effect. Similarly, when you hold it, it is quite dense (denser than water), but very soft and liquid, once again reaffirming that this “fruit” has either high sugar or high fat content and almost no cellulose to it.
As a result, within me is a less-clever monkey just screaming to eat this delicious fruit in my hand about to go into the laundry, and it does in fact take willpower to tell him he’s a stupid monkey and this is a bubble of foul-tasting poison. But every time I do laundry, this fucking limbic monstrosity rises again and assures me it’s basically like a cherry but Even Better. I have legitimately debated just biting down on one in the hopes of inducing a deterrent memory to forestall this urge in the future, but that’s what my goddamn mammal-brain wants me to fucking do and I refuse to let it win.
Human Brain: Don’t eat the posion pod its fucking posion Monkey Brain: Eat the fruit pod its fruit Lizard Brain: The Washing Machine Is Vibrating Give It The Sex Fish Brain: Climb inside the washing machine it is safe.
I want to eat it because I know when I bite into it its delicious juices are going to flood my mouth in a burst of flavor like ratatouille
Ok, So I’m in college about 10 years back and roomed with this guy named Joe. Dude is Steve Urkel levels of clumsy. Except life isn’t a sitcom. Dude broke his arm twice in the year I knew him. I was about to get married at this point in time when he walks in on she and I kissing, he didn’t expect us there and wound up tripping, falling into a glass top coffee table. Doctors couldn’t save his eye. He’s having to wear a sterile cotton thing on his eye during the healing process.
Well, fiancee feels guilty because we startled him to begin with. She basically nurses him back to health. During this time, I had realized that I knew absolutely nothing about the guy. Anytime I’d ask where his home town was, she’d tell me “not now” or something similar.
Anyway, he gets healed up and she fell for him. Nightingale syndrome hard. They get up, pack everything and leave. No note, no nothing, no phone calls. Not even a “fuck you go to hell.” Haven’t heard from them since.
In short.
If it weren’t for cotton eyed Joe, I’d been married a long time ago. Where did you come from where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton Eyed Joe.
This is the only picture on my computer that can adequately express the rage I’m feeling right now
it took me 3 times reading this post to realized that (wild) meant living in the wild and wasn’t just a casual remark on the longevity of these organisms
In the midst of all this negativity I’m feeling, I just remembered that yesterday a group of 13 year old boys tried to sale me a huge ass tree branch covered in flowers and when I declined one of the boys leaned over to his friend and whispered “but I thought gay guys loved plants? Did you lie to me Danny?” And that is probably one of the funniest interactions I have ever been a part of
sparksoffandommagic 