i’m at the bookstore and i just met a very serious eight-year-old boy in a tiny tweed suit and a light pink button-down shirt who asked me to help him find:
-crime and punishment
-eugene onegin
-a hero of our time
-the call of cthulu
-end of watch by stephen king
also met his very tired mother, who was wearing a purple fleece jacket. the little boy exasperatedly corrected her on her pronunciation of “onegin.” i promise you i am not making up one word of this.
i asked him if he wanted recommendations and he said, in a deep, forceful voice, “NO”
a few years back i had a habit of noting down any random words or phrases that came to me when i was dreaming or half-asleep and when i was clearing out my files today i found the document where i wrote them all up
it’s. um.
….an experience
somebody wanted to see more of these, so here’s them. i aim to serve.
How come period pieces are almost always dramas, anyway? I want to watch a sitcom about a dude in renaissance-era Tuscany trying to get rich quick by scamming the local merchant princes.
The time that Leonardo da Vinci and Niccolo Machiavelli teamed up to steal a river would make an excellent buddy comedy, and nothing will convince me otherwise.
I’ve had a buddy comedy in my brain for years about the Spanish Match, focusing on the big wacky road trip taken by George Villiers, 1st Duke of Buckingham, and Prince Charles to secure Charles’s marriage to Infanta Maria Anna of Spain
I realized immediately that I would call it “Buck and Chuck’s Excellent Adventure,” and then I had to step out of my History of England class because I almost asphyxiated from trying not to laugh in the middle of lecture
Game Concept: You the player are some terrible god-like force and you pick an NPC at random to possess as the Player Character. All NPCs in-game react accordingly to the sudden possession depending on who you pick. You can pick any character with each fresh play through.
Example: You possess the mayor’s son and his family is grateful and humbled to have one of their bloodline chosen as Hero of the Land. If you pick the farmer’s daughter as the PC, her dad will be a game-long companion and come with you trying futilely to help/save his possessed daughter. You pick the town new comer and literally no one will try to help you at all except the farmer’s daughter who, in the play through, is not possessed and is very kind to you.
You still go on and fight the big bad as normal, but 99% of the drama is based around the interpersonal fall out of this small town tolerating you as a a weird spirit thing possessing someone they know in order to save the kingdom.
The other day I had a really good idea for a story:
A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group think it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-
–then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other
#it would be better if somehow EVERY OTHER SHAKESPEARE WAS HAPPENING AT ONCE#like you got a benedict and beatice b-story#and then somebody see’s their dad’s ghost#and there’s cross-dressing#and three upperclassmen tell macbeth he will be drama club president
so at the bar in which I work, there’s an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with ‘doorman’, which has led to me befriending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan.
now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the absolute love of my life. I don’t care that he’s a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they’re simply referred to as ‘a character’? that’s Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let’s describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scandinavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
that’s Doorman Dan.
since meeting him last year, I’ve discovered:
he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said ‘shit happens’ on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM
he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was completely unaware they had broken up until he wished her a happy Christmas and she responded with ‘what the fuck Dan’
accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours
he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off
he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for ‘mystery adventures’, one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops
he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: “I’ll know when I meet him.”
he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him
his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. “I don’t even know if I’m invited, truth be told.”
when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn’t want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they’d like a snack
he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman’s Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he’s patrolling the bar
I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
sparksoffandommagic 