– everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
– everything draco does ever
– calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
– calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
– colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
– shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
– [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
– every single cat is professor mcgonagall
why
– POTTER
– ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it – “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
– [random object] is totally a hufflepuff
– remember that game where someone yells “SHATNER” and you have to overact? same thing except it’s “TRELAWNEY” and you have to use whatever you’re holding to make a ludicrous prediction
– a more popular variation is “LOCKHART” to make up a pompous story about using whatever you’re holding to drive the [monster] out of [town]
– calling hippogriffs “leggy birbs”
– “Our beloved headmaster Albert Dumpsterfire/Aqueous Disillusionment/Aberdeen Decapitation…”
– shitty incantations ( “The Graying Hair Charm? Make-me-bloody-ancient-osia.” )
reblogging for albert dumpsterfire xD
-the dumbledore one, except you keep adding incorrect names, like albert pensive wallace herbert richard flamingo sherbet tango luthor…
-*peeves appears* IT DAT BOI
-”i’d rather be petrified”
-”so a shack gets to scream and it’s all normal and haunted, but when i do it i’m disturbing class and a nuisance”
chamber of secrets au where fred and george steal ginny’s diary bc “haha ginny why are you keeping a diary omg its old and blank” and they just start drawing dicks in it and then the dicks fade off the paper and fred and george just look at each other and go “omg infinite dicks” so they draw dicks on it all year until the diary literally ink vomits itself to death bc tom riddle cant handle the dicks anymore and no one ever opened the chamber of secrets and fred and george destroyed the very first horcrux the end
This is my legacy
#dicksoutfortomriddle
in 124,000 notes no one has added a caption so completely wonderful and succint and beautiful and goddamn perfect ive been laughing for 15 years thank you
diary: stolen
pages: self-erasing
dicks: out
TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE IS FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE HORCRUX
I’m too old to be on Hogwarts Express so I’m just sittin’ and sippin’ my butterbeer at Three Broomsticks waiting for Hagrid to show up and tell me all about the first years
sparksoffandommagic 