ive been sitting on a phone call with a guy from microsoft for an hour now after my computer crashed so he can help me re-upgrade to win10 and 99% of it has been pure silence but 5 mins ago he asked me if he can go pee.
i told him bro u been sittin here watching my slow ass computer install windows 10 for over 50 minutes you can go make yourself a cup of tea and a sandwich if you want.
he came back and apologised for making me wait for him but he said he made a sandwich and a coffee and now he’s chilling at his desk having a bite to eat and we’re just hanging out watching my percentage climb.
im getting jack of the silence so i asked him where he’s from bc he has an accent and theres a slight delay and he said he’s in the philippines so now we’re talking about the girl who won silver in the weightlifting at rio and he’s so proud of her its adorable.
apparently it’s the first medal the philippines has won since the olympics in 1996 so this woman is a hero over there rn. i love hearing underdog stories i want to hear more.
shit boy now we’re talking about how countries like the US and australia are disappointed when they dont win gold medals but athletes from countries like the philippines are the pride of the nation if they even place and how it suggestive of the values of first world countries
BOY THIS IS GETTING DEEP
we’re two hours in and i asked him what his record was for the longest phone call and he said five and a half.
bRO. FIVE HOURS ON THE DAMN PHONE HOW DOES A MOFO DEAL WITH THAT.
im on hold again bc his supervisor wants something but apparently the five and a half hour phone call was because a guy was mad that he couldn’t figure out how to work windows 8 when he got a new computer so my tech guy spent nearly six hours teaching him how to use a fucking operating system.
this guy has the patience of a damn saint can we give him a medal or something like lets give the philippines their second medal in 20 years pleASE.
my computer finally entered its boot-reboot stage after installation and he asked me in the most polite way humanely possible if we could perhaps end the call and he will call me back tomorrow to make sure the upgrade finished properly.
this guy just spent over two hours chilling on the phone with me and he’s still gonna call me back tomorrow just to check that everything is ok.
i feel like ive entered a new plane of existence.
UPDATE
he called me back like he promised he would and asked whether everything was okay, and i told him it was and that ive reinstalled everything.
he said he was so happy that my computer is working again and that he was so glad that i was his customer because he’s not used to being able to chat and talk with the people on the other end just for the hell of it and it made his day yesterday.
his supervisor got on the phone and i gave him a glowing review, she said shes going to email me a survey so i can put it all on paper so he has the physical feedback to his name.
honestly that just made the whole stress of my computer crashing its pants so much better.
also his name is jhon.
Tag: he sounds amazing
so at the bar in which I work, there’s an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with ‘doorman’, which has led to me befriending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan.
now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the absolute love of my life. I don’t care that he’s a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they’re simply referred to as ‘a character’? that’s Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let’s describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scandinavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
that’s Doorman Dan.
since meeting him last year, I’ve discovered:
- he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said ‘shit happens’ on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM
- he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was completely unaware they had broken up until he wished her a happy Christmas and she responded with ‘what the fuck Dan’
- accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours
- he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off
- he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for ‘mystery adventures’, one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops
- he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: “I’ll know when I meet him.”
- he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him
- his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. “I don’t even know if I’m invited, truth be told.”
- when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn’t want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they’d like a snack
- he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman’s Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he’s patrolling the bar
I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
sparksoffandommagic 