so parse’s actual first lines in the comic are “I wouldn’t believe it if I weren’t seeing it for myself. Jack Zimmermann. At a party. Taking a selfie.” like how FUCKING DRAMATIQUE, imagine reading those same lines of dialogue in a draco malfoy voice a la tom felton or lauren lopez.
okay so i had this half written and then didnt touch my computer for a week oops. so a list of stupid shit bitty has done that no one expects despite the fact he is a college student, a hockey player, a boy, and only 21:
shotgunned a beer at 10am the friday before finals bc fuck his life he’d been studying all week and if he aint ready now hes never gonna be
once nearly took out the legs of the dining room table trying to escape a post workout holster by sliding through the kitchen
ate a cold pizza straight from the box for breakfast because he was running late to class and it had been left on the table the night before
nearly fell off the roof while smoking with shitty and lardo
actually fell into the school swimming pool when the current seniors decided they wanted to break into the pool at 3am on a whim
nearly got arrested for trespassing in the park after dark bc shitty decided he wanted to play frisbee in the dark at 11pm
bitty actually was the least likely to get arrested considering he straight up vaulted over a short brick wall and tore down the side of hill away from the cop car
the others were honestly really impressed with his reaction time
did several chinese fire drills with the frogs the last time they drove to providence to see the falcs play (nursey nearly didn’t make it back into the car the very last time)
did a shot of absinthe to prove that his alcohol tolerence was amazing fuck you very much zack jimmermann
woke up the next morning on the cursed couch with a box of mickey d’s chicken nuggets sitting on his stomach and possibly a rash from said cursed couch
bus surfed (as in, balancing in the aisles without holding on not on top of the bus) on the local bus and nearly killed an old lady
rode down the Haus stairs in a laundry basket bc other than lardo and foxtrot he was the only one who would fit (lardo was too stressed and foxtrot has done some stupid shit with the boys but she at least has that much sense)
honestly i could probably come up with more but this was getting long
Listen. I firmly believe the Falconers play “the floor is lava”
After every practice, Georgia groups everyone up for announcements, and at the end she says calmly: “the floor is lava” and twenty grown men are clamoring to the nearest climbable object, shoving each other and kicking.
In a small gas station during a long roadie, someone from somewhere in the store shouts “the floor is lava!” and ten seconds later there’s two shelves down and Jack is apologizing to a tired manager while sitting on the cashier counter, not touching the floor
During lunch in the dining area, Jack sits with Tater, Snowy, Marty, Thirdy, Guy, and Poots. They’re talking idly and quietly, guy says “so, you hear about the floor?” Jack and Marty groan, Tater grins, Poots braces for it. “it’s apparently lava” guy finishes.
There’s food knocked to the floor as Guy just continues eating his lunch like nothing.
They’ve broken two chairs, a coffee table, Jacks wrist, and a lamp.
I spent last night making all of these drinks from the specials board made by my friend Emily, aka @tendercake (I may have helped with a couple of names). Because sometimes fanart isn’t pictures, it’s beverages.
In case you can’t read it:
SPECIALS PLEASE!
Bless Your Heart, I’m a Basic Bitch
-Pumpkin Spice Latte with Brown Sugar Cinnamon
Canadian Adonis
-Maple Apple Cider (hot)
Sick Flow, Brah
-Butter Rum Café au Lait
Paint Water
-Fresca with Lavender and Raspberry
Best Friend Sundae
-Vanilla Milkshake with Tiramisu and Cheesecake
Goalies are Weird
-Kiwi-Blue Curacao Jones Blue Soda Slushie
in response to some tags:
yes, the prices are amazing. we’re technically a nonprofit, so the drinks are sold as close to cost as possible.
I mean if you really want the recipes you can message me; everything is made with Torani syrups
paint water is the beverage of the gods
this is indeed the cutest thing
I did come up with the Goalies are Weird drink, it turns out looking as close to Sharks blue/teal as I could get it
Bonus: last night two dudes came up together and they each got a Best Friend Sundae and literally everyone in line thought it was the cutest thing they’d ever seen
sparksoffandommagic 