Ok so we all know that the answer to “Where did Captain America learn to
steal a car?” is “Nazi Germany” but I think the more pressing question
here is when the fuck did this complete maniac get a driver’s license
Because ok, Mighty Mouse 1.0 is too poor to own a car, too short to
reach the pedals, has vision problems, and is a goddamn New Yorker in the motherfucking 1930s, why on earth would he ever have learned to drive?
So this little bastard can’t even tell the gas from the brakes, he gets
all beefified, he goes on tour with the USO. Unless one of the showgirls
coached him through stalling out a car all over some Hollywood back
lot, he still can’t drive. He goes to Europe. At some point, some genius
looks at him and thinks “this strapping specimen of American hunkhood
obviously knows his way around a vehicle, let’s give him a motorcycle,”
and Steve “no parachute” Rogers is like “how hard could this be?” and
promptly wraps himself around approximately eight trees at the same time.
So then he’s kickin’ ass, fightin’ Hydra, and it’s just months of Bucky being like
“give me the goddamn keys, Steven,” and Dum Dum and Morita endlessly
encouraging his fucking insane Fury Road bullshit, like the Howling Commandos just use “grenade” as code for “Rogers” when they’re reporting
why yet another truck has been destroyed beyond recognition. Yes, sir, another grenade, I agree, sir, it’s very odd that we keep losing vehicles in the same way, that’s the third this month alone
So then he’s in the future and SHIELD is sorting his shit out, and
they’re not going to force Captain goddamn America to wait in line at
the DMV, they’re all in complete awe in him and they’ve seen the old
reels of him on his bike, so when they issue him his driver’s license without any type of road test
they go ahead and give him a motorcycle license too
and steve is like …neat.
Ok so then Bucky is back, shit is settled down, everyone’s heading
somewhere and Steve gets in the driver’s seat and Buck’s like WHOA WHOA
WHOA are you people out of your goddamn minds?! Why is Steve driving, is
this some kind of mission, are we heading into a combat zone, is the
plan for the vehicle to get blown up?? GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEYS STEVEN
And Sam is all “what are you talking about, Steve’s a great driver, I saw him jump his bike over a car once”
And Buck is all “yes but have you seen him use a turn signal?”
And Steve’s like, “Listen, we never needed to ‘signal’ our ‘turns’ in Nazi Germany.”
is there ever that one celebrity that no matter what mood youre in, if you feel like crap you just see a picture of them and you just smile and think “thank you for existing” because they have made your day brighter even if you don’t really know them
the correct answer is:
This is the correct answer. Did you know that when she finds out a studio has asked an actress to lose weight she contacts them and yells at them?
I did not know that, but I do remember an interview where she said she keeps her Oscar in her downstairs loo, because that’s the one her guests use, so they can just go use the loo and don’t have to ask if they can hold her Oscar. Plus then they’ve got the mirror so they can practice their acceptance speeches.
gwendoline christie utterly epitomises the “get u a girl who can do both” meme. girl can stalk across a scorched battlefield dressed in full armour & covered in men’s bloodAND float down the red carpet in a gorgeous flowy dress and high heels looking like the actual personification of spring and sunshine. warrior harbinger of death and floral goddess. when will ur fav ever. when will anyone get on gwendoline’s level.
#okay now I need the movie #where they’re the four horsepersons of the apocalypse #except they’re all a bit disgruntled with their job assignments #so they decide to throw a spanner in the works #it would be like good omens but with more stabbing
(tags via @madmaudlingoes and may I just say that is an awesome idea? XD)
sparksoffandommagic 