did I ever tell y’all about the time I accidentally opened a mini casino in my sixth grade classroom?
that year in elementary school we were learning about the ancient mesoamerican cultures, and for our final projects we had to recreate something from that era/region to share with the class. some kids brought in food, some kids brought in dioramas, some kids made clothing and put on a fashion show. for my final project I recreated an aztec game called patolli. it’s basically a board game that involves dice, players, and some light gambling. mine was the most popular project. the game was so much fun that we played it on our lunch breaks for the rest of the year, even after we’d moved on from that part of the curriculum. students from the other 5/6 grade classrooms would come over and play the game with us, too. at first everyone was just gambling with the game pieces I’d made, then we started gambling with snacks from our lunches, then we all started bringing in candy from home, then we started using actual money. even at that age we knew that gambling is bad so we were really quiet and secretive about it until one kid gambled away his shoes and the teachers caught on and put a stop to the game
someone created a random generator that creates randomized inspirational quotes overlaid on random images in a soothing fashion and each and every image is comic gold
it’s pretty much the best thing ever and here are some of my favorites so far
so good
I’m getting this one made into a motivational poster for my home office
What if you were dating a moth prince and living in his kingdom and he knew how out of place you felt so he made you dozens of silk dresses and blankets and gave you lots of fuzzy shawls and scarves so you wouldn’t stand out so much and always said you were so beautiful you were glowing and occasionally bump right into your face because it was a little joke and he would pretend you were a light bulb and give you tiny kisses
Half of me is like “what the fuck am I looking at” and the other half finds this inexplicably adorable and good.
it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning
@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast – this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.
this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun
The other day I had a really good idea for a story:
A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group think it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-
–then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other
#it would be better if somehow EVERY OTHER SHAKESPEARE WAS HAPPENING AT ONCE#like you got a benedict and beatice b-story#and then somebody see’s their dad’s ghost#and there’s cross-dressing#and three upperclassmen tell macbeth he will be drama club president
sparksoffandommagic 