i hate the fanbase of nearly everything im into and for a minute i thought i was pretentious but a quick search through tumblr tags reminds me that no, yall are just fuckin weird lmao
Is this how people get Tumblr famous. By being h8ful
I got famous slingin cum jokes im just flexing at this point
Jack Kelly: shirtless playing the ukelele bc he heard that guys who play the guitar shirtless are a huge turn on for some people but he’s working with what he’s got.
Racetrack Higgins: shirtless playing the kazoo with rose-colored sunglasses on. He’s not trying to impress anyone, it’s 3am and he’s lost control of his life.
fun fact: Michael Cera asked Rihanna if he could slap her ass for real and she said “you can slap my ass for real if I can slap you in the face for real” and he was like alright. and they did the take like 3 times and Michael was like “you’re not hitting me hard enough do it for real” and then she slapped the fuck out of him and threw off his equilibrium so much he had to go lay down in his trailer for like half an hour lmao and that’s the take they used in the movie with no added sound effects
I’m plotting a hostile takeover of DC Comics with @kuttithevangu and we’re going to start writing Batman ourselves. Here are some of our plans:
–The Joker Goes to Clown College. The Joker has become tediously overused, unfunny, and ludicrously dark and gritty. He’s so fucking boring that we’re putting a ban on stories in which he’s a major villain for several years. In the meantime, Dick Grayson starts visiting him in Arkham with very special visitors in tow: professional clowns from Haly’s Circus. They offer constructive criticism and then help him get accepted to a four-year clown college, where he can get a degree in clowning, improve his comedy potential, and learn to execute jokes with fewer executions. Clown college in this world is just like regular university so The Joker has to like… write essays on Buster Keaton and stuff. [Alternative: The Joker accidentally turns himself into a hamster (with a Joker face) and has to live in a cage in the Batcave while they research ways to turn him back.]
–New Original Character: Brad. Damian Wayne isn’t Bruce’s only illegitimate biological son! Brad is a perfectly normal, well-adjusted teenager whose mother had a one-night stand with Bruce at a party years ago. Brad decides to reach out to his biological playboy father after tabloids confirm a paternity test. Damian finds this very threatening but there’s nothing he can do about it because Brad is an oblivious civilian who only visits every few weeks and has no idea that his father and half-siblings are vigilantes.
–Tim Drake Gets What He Deserves. Tim has been written darker and grittier with every passing year, a far cry from the fun dweeb he was when first introduced. As he becomes more and more like Bruce, he picks up another of his mentor’s traits: the ability to attract plucky youngsters who insist on cheering him up. Previous unsuccessful attempts to introduce Carrie Kelley to the main DC canon are scrapped; she’s BACK and she’s a 14 year old tacky gay genderfluid snoop who figures out his identity and passionately believes that Red Robin needs a Burger King, or something. She gets what she wants and she wants to play DnD. HOW THE TURNS HAVE TABLED, TIMOTHY.
–Batfamily camping trip. IDK, maybe Brad is responsible for this. It goes poorly because no one (except perhaps Babs) has any experience in legitimate outdoor recreation beyond hardcore wilderness survival.
–#batmanchallenge. The Batman Challenge starts trending and young people start coming to Gotham in an attempt to get Batman to punch them on video. Jason Todd gets in on it.
–The Secret Life of Alfred Pennyworth. Alfred has a whole secret social life that Bruce doesn’t know about because he has never once contemplated that Alfred is a sexual being with considerable game. He’s very popular among the ladies at the bridge club and Old People Who Love Shakespeare Club, which is for old people.
what she means: the words “christmas tree” are used in the hobbit, and since we know that bilbo is the author of the hobbit, hobbits must have christmas which means there must be a middle earth jesus. but hobbits seem to be the only ones who have the concept of christmas which means it was probably a hobbit jesus. but frodo says in return of the king that no hobbit has ever intentionally harmed another hobbit so who crucified hobbit jesus?? were there other hobbit incarnations of religious figures?? was there hobbit moses?? did jrr tolkien even think about this at all??
Wait wait I might actually have an answer
Tolkien wrote The Hobbit like waaaay before he even dreamed up the idea for Lord of the Rings, so when he DID dream up LotR, he had a whole bunch of stuff that didn’t make sense. Like plotholes galore
Like for example in the first version Gollum was a pretty nice dude who lost the riddle contest graciously and gave Bilbo the ring as a legit present and was very helpful and it was super nice and polite and absolutely nobody tried to eat anyone because this is a story for kids and that’s very rude
But that doesn’t work with LotR, so Tolkien went back and re-released an updated version of The Hobbit with all the lore changes and stuff to fix everything that didn’t work
This is the version we know and love today
BUT rather than pretend the early version never existed, Tolkien went and worked the retcon into the lore
If you pay attention in Fellowship, there’s a bit where Gandalf is telling Frodo about the ring and he mentions how Bilbo wasn’t entirely honest about the manner in which it was found
To us modern readers, this doesn’t make a ton of sense, so mostly we just breeze by it–but actually that line is referencing the first version of The Hobbit
The pre-retcon version of the Hobbit is canonically Bilbo’s original book. The original version with Nice Gollum is canonically a lie Bilbo told to legitimize his claim to the ring and absolve him of the guilt he feels for his rather shady behavior
Then the post-retcon version is an in-universe edited edition someone went and released later to straighten out Bilbo’s lies
So it’s 100% plausible that the in-universe editor who fixed up Bilbo’s Red Book and translated it from whatever language Hobbits speak was a human who knew about Christmas Trees and tossed the detail in to make human readers feel more at home, because that’s the kind of thing that sometimes happens when you have a translator editor person dressing up a story for an audience that doesn’t know the exact cultural context in which the original story was written
Tolkien was a medieval scholar and medieval stories are rife with that sort of thing, so like… yeah
Not only all that, but Tolkien was also working within a frame narrative that he wasn’t the real author, but a translator of older manuscripts; so, in-universe, the published The Hobbit isn’t actually Bilbo’s book, but rather Tolkien’s copy of an older copy of an older copy of an older copy of Bilbo’s book. So when errors and anachronisms came up, he would leave them there instead of fixing them, and he may have even put some in intentionally; what we’re supposed to get from the “Christmas tree” bit is that the first scribe to translate the book from Westroni to English couldn’t come up with an accurate analogue for whatever hobbits do at midwinter.
Yes. Another example of tolkien doing this is him using, for instance, Old High Gothic to represent Rohirric – not because the people of Rohan actually spoke that language, but because Old High Gothic had the same relationship with English that Rohirric had with Westron (Which is the Common Language spoken in the West of Middle-Earth). There’s tons of that stuff in the book.
Like, Merry and Pippin’s real names (In Westron) are Kalimac Brandagamba and Razanur Tûk, respectively (to pick just one example of this). Tolkien changed their names in English to names which would give us English-speakers the same kind of feeling as those names would to a Westron-speaker. Lord of the Rings is so much deeper than most readers realise.
tolkein’s entire oevre is just one epic in-joke with the oxford linguistics department imo
No that’s right! The basic point still stands and is neat but a lot of Rohirric names are translated as Old English, like Theodred and Eorl and so on. Another interesting thing is that he sometimes modernized them to modern English because, apparently, those names were intelligible to Westron speakers, either because Gondorians knew them or because the Hobbits recognized them from their dialects (they once lived near the Rohirrim and borrowed a bunch of words, including their name for themselves). Here’s a good link about it from Tolkien Gateway, it’s SUPER cool.
Also if I correctly recall (it’s been a while so I might not) there was a draft of TTT where Tolkien intended for Theoden to greet Our Heroes in Old English. This was in The Treason of Isengard and I have a very distinct memory of reading it at about fifteen and being completely floored and baffled by the fact that he just…wrote an entire speech in Old English for Theoden to say. Like, can you even believe. I absolutely love how much flavor and care he put into the languages in LOTR.
sparksoffandommagic 