cherryaid-fountain:

jemthecrystalgem:

neptunes-salty-butthole:

cheshiretiffy:

pats-a-lats:

Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.

So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.

So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.

So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…

And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…

Holy shit.

This is glorious

I like Dale. He’d break up with a bigoted girlfriend and he wears bathrobes like a cape. Not everyone would wear a bathrobe like a cape.

Some heros wear capes

artem-ace:

There’s this guy that sits in front of me who you would think is a conservative redneck bc his entire aesthetic is southern lumberjack w boots and denim and hats but he’s actually one of the most inclusive and anti trump guy I’ve ever met and today he wore this hat that sums up his entire personality and I’m screaming.

Don’t judge a book by its cover; make cornbread, not war.

disgruntled-detectives:

tiger-in-the-flightdeck:

chaosragamuffin:

elodieunderglass:

jackietheslovakgirl:

mums-the-nerd:

astudyincanon:

holmesguy:

thedrawingduke:

thescienceofjohnlock:

merrygalpals:

underthecroissantmoon:

tiger-in-the-flightdeck:

unnonexistence:

unnonexistence:

merrygalpals:

things sherlock holmes has canonically done:

  • scrapbooked the hell out of his newspapers
  • put on a hat that was too big for him 
  • giggled
  • cried because lestrade was nice to him
  • got all sappy and romantic by smelling a rose
  • let a puppy lead him on adventures
  • “impish mood”
  • lit his pipe with an ember from the fireplace because he thought it looked cool

feel free to add to this

  • built a pillow fort in a client’s house
  • told a guy he was giving him secret government documents and then gave him a book about bees instead
  • told watson stories about his past solely to avoid cleaning his room

oh i almost forgot

  • decorated his room with pictures of famous criminals
  • Ordered a picnic for a pair of newlyweds
  • Was offended that Watson doesn’t praise his skills as a housekeeper
  • Waived his fee if his clients are too poor to pay him
  • Made hot chocolate to wake Watson up on a cold morning
  • Danced around and bowed to imaginary friends
  • ‘Flushed up with pleasure’ when being praised
  • Wouldn’t explain how he comes to conclusions because he was worried Watson would think he is ordinary
  • Grabs Watson’s hand when he’s frightened
  • Let another puppy lead him on adventures.

WHERE ARE YALL GETTING THIS/1!!1!!!????!?

Leaped over furniture like a gazelle.

•Shook hands with a baby :,}

  • noticed watson looking sad and touching his old war wound and tried to cheer him up with some deductions about his sparkling eyes

  • deliberately knocked over a table, shattering a glass fruit bowl which sent fruit rolling everywhere, then blamed it on watson and ran away

  • was not surprised when a dog died after its owner died, due to the “beautiful, faithful nature of dogs”
  • sent watson a telegram telling him to come over at once so he could tell him his most recent thoughts about dogs and the importance of their emotions to detective work
  • told Watson anecdotes about his favorite violinist for an hour while they had lunch together

  • made a little diagram out of breadcrumbs while explaining something to Watson

  • Shared a room with watson in a house that had 11 bedrooms
  • Makes his client wait while he changes into slippers
  • Has a realistic dummy made of himself and uses it to fool a client
    • twice
    • in the same story

Let a jewel thief off one time because: 

a, the thief cried 

b, the case had been really easy & if the Yard couldn’t solve it then frankly fuck em

c, it was Christmas

And People ™ still think he was an unfeeling, cold man of reason. Honey that man probably slept with a fluffy stuffed bee.

Made a BIG drama about killing a jellyfish with a rock

Being a well-paid, soppy mess who retires to keep bees is #TheDream

Some more!

-Employed a bunch of street urchins, and talked to them like a general with his troops.

-Tore up Watson’s trousers to check him for injuries.

-Lets a man get away with murder because it would keep a pair of sweethearts from being hurt.

-Stops an investigation so he can go look at flowers with Watson

-Still loves dogs even after getting his ankle torn up by one.

Let a murderer go because he did it to avenge his love who had been murdered.

Nearly cried when Watson was shot, knocked the shooter out with the butt of his gun and then threatened to kill him when he woke up.