The only robin hood movie since 1993 thats worth anything is princess of thieves starring keira knightly and only bc we got to see her shoot a bunch of arrows and beat up a bunch of men whilst in full medieval butch top regalia
Tell me she doesnt look 100% ready and willing to ravage the beds of each maiden in nottingham before reluctantly leaving them at daybreak because she knows they deserve better than a life on the run in the shadows and she can never give them more than a pleasurable night that theyll dream about each time their inevitably disappointing husband cant make them orgasm
God I was at that restaurant in Annapolis yesterday that serves those 4 lbs milkshakes and these two dudes were just finishing one together and people were asking them for tips and they were like “you have to get like mint chocolate chip or something because if there’s no texture it gets too boring to finish” and all I could keep thinking was that it can only be a matter of time before some god wipes this town off the map and we will have earned it with our disgusting hubris
Everyone who has ever finished one of these will have it weighed against a feather when they die
Doable? Maybe
Listen. After the Burger Incident of 2016 I’ve learned to accept my fragile mortality and live within the boundaries set for humanity by the Universe.
I’m a little nervous but my curiosity is overwhelming~ what, pray tell, is the Burger incident of 2016?
In 2016 the day Pokémon Go came out I worked up a big appetite with my friends and we went to Steak ‘n Shake and I decided that none of the burgers looked big enough which…..I don’t know if I thought the photos on the menu were actual size I don’t know what was going on but
I asked the server for the biggest one they had and she said “that’s the 7×7, it’s not on the menu…you don’t want that”
And immediately my friends knew I was fucked because I felt challenged which I blame on my middle child syndrome and also on that I am by birth just an idiot so I ordered it without knowing competitive food bloggers write entire articles about this thing.
I sort of knew I was in trouble when the cook came to see who’d ordered it but I wasn’t backing down and in the end I ate all 1300 calories and THEN the fries and ALSO my shake and I had to go to my friend’s and take a three hour nap and when I woke up I was so fucked up that I just started eating leaves straight off her mint plant because antacids weren’t going to cut it.
Then I complained for like two days and Ultimately I learned absolutely nothing.
In case anyone wanted a visual for the 7×7
Hubris
When you can’t decided between pride and gluttony so commit both sins at the same time.
the thought of aziraphale being in Crowley’s flat and seeing that fucking statue every single time he’s there. like hi crowley, oh there’s the statue of us fucking that you thought was subtle enough to be an intimidation tactic but is clearly just a product of your sexual frustration and 6000 years spent pining. lovely. shall we eat at the Ritz today?
What if it was a mutual purchase that they bought while drunk one time at an auction because they both thought it would be hilarious, and now a few hundred years later it’s still in Crowley’s flat because they have an unspoken competition over which of them will mention how awkward it is first
my family has a “euchre tournament” approximately once a year, sometimes twice (really just whenever we’re together and feel like it tbh) and the loser has to become the new owner of this gag gift the specifics of which will go unmentioned but the point is: this statue is passed back and forth as part of some competition and Crowley, as the current loser, has it right now.
having a certain number of followers is fun but then after that certain number it becomes like that Marina abramovic performance art piece where she invites the audience to do whatever they want to her & some kiss her and then other people try to hit her & maim her & at the end all it says is what is in their own hearts & nothing about the artist so welcome to digital performance art I guess
i cant believe zeldas out here knowing everything about the wildlife and flora of hyrule and constantly talks about experiments and science and even asks link to eat a live fucking frog and y’all are like “ahh… shes such an elegant, graceful and proper princess :)”
zelda eats DIRT. shes a scholar and scientist and shes dedicated to knowing everything about hyrule and you bet your ASS that involves geography and she LICKS ROCKS. she keeps lizards and frogs in her POCKETS.
I dont know about you guys but that’s the most elegant thing I’ve heard all year
sparksoffandommagic 