I was walking in the forest during winter, and saw a wendigo sitting under a tree. I asked it if it was going to kill me. It said, “No, this is just a dream.” So I sat next to it in the snow for a bit and then he said, “The anger in your heart warms you now, but will leave you cold in your grave.” And then I woke up.
i’m back at my ancestral home (lowe’s) and I just watched a very burly man in a lot of flannel carry a potted orchid SO TENDERLY across the parking lot
A sentence that starts with “i’m back at my ancestral home (lowe’s)” has to work really hard to make the end of that sentence equally as amazing and by god you’ve done it
I’ve seen a lot of people being silly about DnD talking about fucking your way into and out of bad situations but, if you look in the monster manual I think there’s strong support for the idea that half-orcs as a species are constantly horny
Orcs are constantly fucking and that’s why they have so many different types of half-orc offspring. So if your character has orc blood it actually makes sense
if i was a shapeshifter, half of my time would be spent making myself look androgynous and trimming up the things about my shape I’m not happy with, and half of my time would be spent making my teeth look just a little bit sharper than is normal, changing my eye-color subtly between slightly unsettling shades, and giving myself an intricate “tattoo” that just barely moves every couple of hours, until it’s in a whole new shape next time you look at me.
I’d just sprout 3 meters long black wings and have giant sharp teeth, goat legs and have transparent skin, you guys have no balls
why would I want balls
if i was a shapeshifter i’d go to a cafe and order a pastry and then sit down and turn into a bear
just a perfectly ordinary bear wearing glasses and a captain america t-shirt, politely eating a lemon danish and sipping a large americano
i would have a friend film people’s reactions to cherish later
I started to speculate about myself but then got sidetracked wondering how faceblindness would affect a shapeshifter?
It’s my grandpa’s birthday next week and he said “I don’t want to be 85” and my grandmother, his wife of 59 and a half years, said “well your only alternative is to die”, I can’t believe how affectionate they are
I was having lunch with them today and my grandpa started throwing napkins at my grandmother, and she balled it up and looked all set to throw it back but then she put it down and said “I will not throw it because I was brought up properly, you were dragged” she has spent ¾ of her life with this man
look at the two of them. dressed to the nines. silks from france and cotton from egypt. chanel on them both. they’re at a party neither of them was invited to, but so damn good looking that no one in their right mind would turn them away at the door. the woman – titties free under that dress, scoping out women in salacious flapper dresses in gloves created from 100,000 insects’ life work. the man – smoking a cigarette he took out from the mouth of one of the millionaires at the party, saying nothing but giving him a slow smile and a wink. the flower in his lapel is fake. dying plants in your clothing is such a hideous fashion. the both of them haven’t spoken to anyone there, though everyone has tried. they stand on the stairs staring at the heterosexual proles gathered below them together, and the two of them wonder if those fools realize that they’re outclassed, that in every way, they’ve been outdone. they leave early with a bottle of champagne in each fist, and no one stops them.
This is the most extra analysis I have ever seen of anything ever and I agree with all of it
Baroness Lubinska who presided over the famous duel between Princess Pauline Metternich and the Countess Kielmannsegg in 1892, insisted that the duelists remove their clothing above their waists to avoid infection in the event that a sword pushed clothing into the wound it caused. Being a doctor, the baroness had seen many instances of septic infection in soldiers for this very reason throughout her years of medical training.
“The cause of the duel is reputed to be an argument over arrangements for the Vienna Musical and Theatrical Exhibition.” – I like these ladies.
you’ve gotta stat romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day.
live your life like a ghibli movie where literally everything is charming and beautiful
sparksoffandommagic 