i know tumblr likes violent man eating mermaids but i fuck p heavy with pretty playful pretty scaled mermaids in warm sorts of waters keeping the tide gentle when lil toddlers are learning to swim and kissing the breath into good sailors because they have someone waiting on a cliff by the sea for them to come home and cutting seals and turtles out of netting and plastic bags
but maybe being from hawaii just made me think of the ocean of a safe cradley sort of place i know its scary i know it’ll kick your ass but sometimes its ten types of turquoise and and sometimes sea foam sticks to your eyelashes sometimes the sun hits your face even when you’re twenty feet under and i have a hard time forgetting its first and foremost a womb
so mermaids who watch the triple crown and scare sharks away from the surfers
I think you’re probably onto something with the difference between Hawaii and the North Sea. Our sea definitely wants to eat you. Hungry monsters make it safer. You can bargain with those. You can’t bargain with the gale.
miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit. im shooting everything. im laying down cover fire. im shooting the walls. im shooting my teammates. im shooting myself. my accuracy is 100% yall just dont know what im aiming at
I didn’t even read the rest because I’m still laughing at “miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit” like I’ve never read a more perfect phrase in my life
Fun fact: during the Revolutionary War, the British HATED American soldiers’ fighting methods. Why? Because Americans aimed. We’ve all heard of the battle of Bunker Hill and how the soldiers were instructed not to shoot until they saw the whites of the enemies’ eyes, but did you know that the British military’s battle plan was essentially to spray as many musket balls as they could all over the enemy? Troops were told to just aim in the general direction of the opposing army and shoot, and the British thought that Americans aiming their weapons was a savage and uncivilized form of combat.
The British sound like me when I play Overwatch and the enemy hitscan players kill me more than once
the american army had been trained by a german guy who added the ‘aim’ in ‘ready, aim, fire’, and literally wrote a book about ‘how to be better at soldiering then the brittish who think its all about pressed uniforms and standing in neat lines’
the other side of aiming- they thought it was unfair that half the american soldiers would intentionally try and hit the brittish officers, who had distinctive uniforms and were often sitting on a horse so they were stupid easy to pick out of a crowd. quite probably the most obvious thing you could do in a fight
#how the fuck did britain conquer 97% of the world
distinct sense of fashion (not necessarily good, but. distinct.)
has almost died, like, twice, but it’s a really funny story–
absolutely should not be in charge
absolutely does not WANT to be in charge
you’re pretty sure they’re into some weird stuff
wants to help you out when you’re sad???
may not be equipped to help you out and will fret if that is the case
absolutely terrible OR top-notch taste in alcohol, no inbetween
you’ve never seen more impressive shoes
If you know someone who exudes a powerful Danny DeVito energy despite being a lesbian in her twenties, or if you know someone whose wardrobe choices would not look out of place on Jeff Goldblum, well, you got yourself an Uncle Friend, friend
sparksoffandommagic 