The story of the Distant Goddess is absolute proof that it’s a crime that Ancient Egyptian mythology hasn’t entered the popular conciousness in the same way as Greek stuff.
Short, super paraphrased version: Ra is sick of humanity being rebellious wee bastards, so he sends a goddess as an embodiment of his vengeance, usually Sekhmet in the form of a great fuckoff lion – first to the southern deserts to wipe out the followers of Set. She does so, and then for unspecified reasons, Ra decides maybe humanity is redeemable hey call off the murderlion. But being an embodiment of pure divine retribution, she isn’t really having it.
So Ra sends Thoth out in an effort to soothe the goddess before she arrives in the north and wipes out everything including the gods (she’s just that strong). He’s terrified, but he tries all sorts of cunning and wisdom and trickery and tells her moral tales and all that, but all he can do is delay her.
In the meantime, Ra’s priests of the north are hard at work. They brew thousands of barrels of beer, and mix pots and pots red dye. And when the goddess inevitably arrives, they mix it up and pour it into the reeds of the nile. Believing it to be the spilled blood of her enemies, she drinks it up proudly… And gets EXTREMELY drunk, calming down and transforming into Hathor, goddess of joy and love.
And once a year to celebrate this momentous occasion, Egyptians would get Absolutely Plastered.
tony: i dont go down on women but i expect them to suck my dick and thats how KINGS live
thor a feminist:
this is fake news don’t EVER disrespect pepper like this
Didn’t he, like, canonically get pegged by gamora too lmaooooooo
Yes
Wait this was pegging? I HAD NO IDEA LIKE I WAS SO INTO THIS TONY GAMORA PANEL ALREADY AND NOW IT IS LIKE 5000000000000000 TIMES BETTER. AJSKALAKKAKAA.
I saw this and went: “Hang on now… I remember reading that. I did NOT think they were pegging.” Then I dug it out and had a closer look:
Panel two, bottom left corner — that is definitely a strap-on harness. This whole thing makes so much more sense now. I cannot believe I didn’t see that before.
hot take: urbanization is good, cities are good, industrialization is good, population growth is good. living self-sufficiently in the wilderness is an option availible only to those who are able-bodied and reasonably wealthy and places the desires of the individual for a more primitive lifestyle over the needs of our collective society. densely populated green cities are the best way to fairly and efficiently allocate resources. additionally, by concentrating the population in a few specific areas (which is already occurring organically) we can allow urban sprawl and rural areas that would otherwise be populated to be overtaken by wilderness. urbanization has lead to greater technological and cultural advancements and a better quality of life and will continue to improve our society if we can make it sustainable
anyway stop building tiny houses and start building green cities 2k18
so my campus is currently hosting an ENORMOUS conference of scholars who study medieval history. they’ve been completely flooding the tiny cafe where I work and drinking our coffee faster than we can make it, but the good news is that they provide some PRIME people watching, including:
the fact that all of their name tags include pronouns so that I won’t feel bad assuming anyone’s gender in this post
the woman RANTING about one of her colleagues on the following grounds: “he thinks he understands it from some class he took in 1996! FUCK OFF, TOM.”
the man who was loudly and earnestly discussing the “influence of the Harry Potter fandom on our modern political discourse” while he got a soda
before he was out the door he’d switched topics to his preferred methods for teaching students about elves
the two nice extremely polite young British lads who I could not tell apart to save my life. their name tags indicated that they were apparently not twins, but cloning does not seem impossible.
the sheer number of people graciously volunteering to buy lunch for people they’ve just met
an unexpected number of very handsome soft butch women involved in medieval studies. I am bisexual and weak.
the guy in the flannel shirt who had the coldest, softest, most feminine hands I’ve ever encountered. I fell in love with him for a good 60 seconds. I am bisexual and weak.
people who aren’t from America being cheerfully confused by our money, including my favorite, a Canadian woman who told me “I’m slow with American money because it’s all the same color.”
I’ve learned that people who aren’t going to be in the country for more than a few days don’t give a SHIT about their change and will toss all of it in the take a penny/leave a penny jar. I collected so many quarters, y’all.
also a nice British woman called it the penny pot, which is the cutest shit I’ve ever heard and absolutely its new name.
just in general the EXTREMELY good grace and patience with which everyone accepted that we only have 2 cashiers and that it takes about seven minutes to make more coffee.
SEVERAL times after I apologized for the coffee wait (because this is customer service and minor inconveniences mean we have to grovel) the response was ‘lmao no worries this just means I get a fresh pot’
a woman approached me to day with a fucking enamel pin of that old illustration of a nun gathering dicks from a tree (you know the one) and I said immediately “oh my god, is that a pin of the penis tree?” and she looked stoked and said “yes it is the penis tree! you’re only the second person to recognize it!” what kind of boring ass medieval scholars has she been hanging with???? she was probably so fucking excited to finally have company where she could wear that pin and nobody said anything??? rude.
you know, this one
I have more:
every single person who said “cheers” when I gave them their change.
the painfully hip young man who was dressed entirely in standard academic business casual EXCEPT FOR his shiny silver doc martens.
me: “you boots are amazing.”
him: “!!!! thank you!”
the man who walked in, spotted the selection of high octane energy drinks, and nearly cried with relief. when he came to the register to pay for what was probably enough caffeine to kill a horse he looked me dead in the eye and said cheerfully “thanks, I’m jet lagged as shit and I can’t be expected to function right now.”
the dude who overheard my friend Austin listening to Florence and the Machine, started chatting with him about it, and asked him out on a date
I sold a hot dog to An Actual Nun
You know Florence’s Mum is a renaissance scholar with a specialty in fashion/material goods history, yes? Evelyn Welch, superstar.
I didn’t know that, but it explains a lot about Florence’s style and I’m very happy I know it now
when janelle monae finished telling me about how everything is sex except sex (which is power) and hit me with that “now ask yourself who’s screwing you” for the first time, i ascended far beyond this plane and met with the deity that rules this universe before coming back into my body a fully enlightened being
michel foucault was bald because janelle monae spoke these lyrics to him through a rift in spacetime and immolated his wig
we need to stop idolizing tom holland immediately. yesterday, actually.
it’s really cool that he’s this seemingly progressive sweet young dude but i saw a whole post about how he’s “the perfect example of non-toxic masculinity uwu” and another post gave him credit for trans-coding peter parker like “coding” stuff in homecoming wasn’t basic “ha ha misgendering is funny” stuff or misogyny and also stuff that’s in the script which he did not write and should not get credit for.
like………. he’s great. watch his interviews, enjoy his performances.
but also he’s like 21??? im 21 and im incredibly stupid all the time. tom’s also gonna be incredibly stupid because like……. people in their early 20s….. are stupid…. and say stupid shit…. and if you hold them to an impossibly high standard…. they will fail you…. no matter how good their intentions are….
just. cut it out early before this turns into another idolization-to-hatred cycle.
sparksoffandommagic 