So I think I might be bi? But if I am it changes almost nothing about my life because I am happily and monogamously married. But if it doesn’t really matter, why do I have so many feelings about it???? Anyways, I am asking you because it seems like there is a 50/50 chance of a delightful and pithy answer or a picture of a bird as an answer.
How do you get so much EXPRESSION from a (line-drawn) 2D swan?!
Birdtender Tea. No no.. it’s Bi-tender Tea. Bi-BirdTeader?
It’s Just Boilt Twigs
…Huh. I don’t see where it actually says their mate is of a different gender than them. It just says, “happily and monogamously” married…?
The “where’s my cup” bit cracked me up. I like this swan. : )
I definitely could be wrong, and I’ll accept the correction if it’s relevant!
I’m not an expert by any means, but I have some experience in the Gay Advice Game. And within that experience, I feel that a person of the Community, now questioning their possible bisexuality, would not be able to shut up about their gayness. The Gay Credentials would be out, at length, for audience examination and verification – long before the question was ever arrived at. The paperwork is always handed over first. We’re just like that.
It would be “I am a LESBIAN with a beautiful WIFE (brief three-ask-long tangent into praise about the wife). But now, at the age of thirty-three, I am POSSIBLY experiencing sexual attraction to a cisgender hetero man. (Brief disclaimer into the nature of said attraction, with a quick tour into OP’s discovery of their sexuality at the age of fifteen.) in conclusion, what the fuck. and do I have to hand in my identity? All of my Pride merch is strictly lesbian. I don’t like the Bi flag. Do I have to tell people? I can’t bear the thought. I have staked out my identity for years, at length, defending it from those who would destroy it; I have a wife, for god’s sake; questioning things now feels like an EROSION of my identity, not an ADDITION.” Then we’d talk about how nice the wife is, some more.
We know about biphobia by then, you see, by the time we marry. We know what we have to lose. And how galling it is to admit being WRONG (because thats’s how it will be seen, by your mother and some of your friends and your colleagues – they said all along that you just needed to meet the Right Man, or that you weren’t a Real Lesbian, and now they’ll be smug, and nasty.)
And we’d have to circle the wagons and call an official meeting of the cabal to amend their paperwork. We would have to put blankets around their shoulders, and print off educational leaflets to hand round their Sapphic Knitting Circle. And if it was a gay man married to a man writing in, it would be worse, oh dear. Society would perceive a double-bluff, might react with violence. Local in-person queer communities often have unkind words for this perceived betrayal. Witnessing the backstory alone would take five asks. It would probably be beyond my paygrade.
So this reads to me like a “straight” person, who had presumed their own heterosexuality all their life, now questioning that. And so they got a straight answer, haha. The assumption of their identity as a default, with a broadening wonder that there might be an addition to that, that their identity could be bigger than previously known, bigger than the default – read “”“”“"straight”“”“” to my eyes. Which have admittedly been shaped by experience and may in fact be too quick to assume.
I could be wrong, I’ve been wrong before! If anon wants to correct me they’d get a different answer anyway.
sparksoffandommagic 