the ending of Casablanca
cheese
hiring a man and van
museums
maths
Monopoly
bears (all varieties)
quiche
the number 19
pineapple juice
Peach Schnapps
going through the airport metal detector
The Archers
takeaway pizza
getting some keys made
the Olympics
zoos
pampering
olives
hats
ducks
geese
bacon
the World Cup (“The World what?” “The World Cup.” “The what Cup?”)
the Grand National
Goofy
poussin
cheesecake
strudel
sea lions
moths
hotel towels
Top Gun
lemons
ice cream vans
ice cream chimes
train announcements
stamps
Leon Trotsky
Thomas The Tank Engine
Doctor Who
Belgium
Winston Churchill’s most famous speech
ordering coffee in coffee shops
horseboxes
The Famous Five books
the area of South London known as Elephant & Castle
the songs “Greensleeves”, “Deck The Halls”, “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”, “Fly Me To The Moon”, and “Come Fly With Me” (and many more)
aviator sunglasses
otters
dragon fwoo
sheep
Nottingham
Bristol
bees
King Arthur
the words awesome and awful
Timbuktu (Timbuktu)
Jelly Babies
Russselll Crooooowe
Any words beginning with Q
putting on a seatbelt
dressing gowns
Duxford Air Museum
the phrase not a happy bunny
any dish containing rice as the main ingredient
fire extinguishers
apples
Minstrels
anything with tentacles
trapdoors
insomnia
Toblerones
Christmas stockings
the NATO Phonetic Alphabet (“Mick! Mi! Muh!”)
using a stepladder (“or, as we call it, the Widow Maker”)
Pony Club girls
getting out of sync
trophies
medals
French accents
Australian accents
Irish accents
tortoises
the word bravery
Jekyll & Hyde
baked potatoes
dinosaurs
Christmas gift supplements
choosing a restaurant
falconry
penguins
vultures
putting on a seatbelt
wiiiiinnnndddddd-drrrrriiiiieeeeeedddd ssssaaaauuuuussssaaaggeeeee
booking a holiday
the Grand Canal in Venice
kiosks
bananas
altitudes
altimeters
the word basking
buying a watch
yellow cars
interviews
the Seven Deadly Sins
the Seven Dwarves
the Six Nations
bread
coffee
reading the Sunday papers
Reykjavik
Helsinki
cakes
flying
the word brilliant
———————
… and…
snow leopards
Winnie the Pooh
carp
jacket pockets
* changed, and infinitely improved
Things John Finnemore Has Ruined* Forever
Published
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