kelssiel:

somethingwriterly:

modernsapho:

admiralnaismith:

aflamebeyondtheveil:

my-fair-ladybug:

Requires Fantasy Novel Things (feel free to add more)

– Title contains the words “Wolf/Rose/Sword/Dark/Crown/Throne”
– Unexplained white haired girl
– Evil Queen that is definitely a red head
– The one black haired guy that dresses in all black but his eyes are blue and beautiful
– Special Eyes™
– Someone turns into an animal and exactly one (1) person might question it
– The Blacksmith
– The mysterious hooded woman in the woods (bonus points if she has a fancy stick)
– Barn sex
– The fastest horse in the land that gets shot by an arrow on page 215
– The one soft spoken healer that gives life changing advice and then is never mentioned again
– A truly excessive amount of dead parents
– Everyone is British except for one inexplicable Irish guy

-traveling unreasonable distances by magic and still not having time travel to save aforementioned dead parents

-that one person who calls magic stupid and believes surgery is the next step for man

-dragons in general

-at least one character or place with a Y in the name
-The Village Festival is the biggest event of the year
-the word “lithe”
-the nice innkeeper with their mean spouse
-a character unused to hygiene who freaks out about having to wash

– long and arduous road trip to the Place of the Specific Adjective and/or Noun
– the Castle Ball where the heroine wears The Dress which is described in great detail
– medieval weaponry 101
– the three drinks of fantasy: ale, wine, and fairy wine
– there’s always someone with a Napoleon complex
– the Moon cycle and the Solstices

– Orphans raised by orphans until the orphans raising the orphans die tragically leaving orphaned orphans.

– Dark Lord of the Evil Darkness. Wears black, hell bent on destroying the world but is really just misunderstood. Often is either strikingly beautiful or has pronounced physical feature such as missing nose, body burnt by lava, pink eye.

– Gambler/Drunkard character with foul mouth but loveable sense of humour. Kind of like that one weird uncle every one has but usually less creepy.

– Hard to acquire mystical artifact, MC must go through trial similar to battling for 50 inch flat screen on Black Friday.

– The orphans grow to adulthood, fall in love, have children of their own. Their children become orphans.

– Ancient prophecy. Must be vague enough to be misinterpreted.

– Cryptic signalling of end times. Fish dying, wolves grow bolder, moon turns blood red, comet in the sky, tv shows that should not be cancelled, are.

– Quiet, brooding guy, has hidden endearing talent such as: knows how to repair vintage horse carriages or plays the lute.

– Sean Bean dies.

-the Powerful Immortal Race will help exactly one (1) time

-the roar of some great beast (may or may not be an actual beast)

-the [blanking] of the [blank] of the [blank]

-the hero of a famous battle that everyone knows about in spite of the lack of news media or efficient means of travel

-magic can’t be used to help the common people because of Reasons™

-The Common People

-bedding down for the night

-The Rest Stop, the only time our heroes get some sleep, someone Wise states the obvious and they receive Unique Items

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