a cp! play where parse is exactly the same as draco malfoy from a very potter musical. he speaks with a totally inexplicable british accent even though he’s from new york. he rolls into epikegster on the floor saying: “i wouldn’t believe it if i weren’t seeing it for myself. jack zimmermann. at a party. taking a selfie” and then he poses dramatically and says “hey, zimms. didja miss me?”
#“oooooh moonshoes zimmermann”
“you know who i think is the ugliest player in the nhl? jack laurent zimmermann. you know what i’d give him, on a scale of 1 to 10??? (with one being the ugliest and ten being the prettiest?) i’d give him…an 8. 8.5. or a 9. no higher than a 9.8, because there’s always room for improvement. not everyone can be perfect, like me. but i’m holding out for a 10. because i’m worth it.”
“You can’t just GO to the las vegas aces. You need a rocket ship!”
“Do YOU have a rocketship, Zimmermann? I bet you do! You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents won the Stanley Cup. Look at this! Rocketship Zimmermann! Starkid Zimmermann! Moonshoes Zimmerman, traversing the galaxy for intergalatic travels to the NHL!”
#My name is Kent Parson#I am an asshole#I despise the Falconers and I think you’re worthless#I hate the Samwell Men’s Hockey Haus#and I work for a team trying to recruit you to the other side of the country#Do you want to be my friend? (via @fatlardo)
#hey zimms hey zimms #i drew a picture of you#its you getting hit in the face with a puck #don’t you feel foolish?#pay particular attention to the shading on your jersey it’s rather good (via @kentparsonmvp)
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