lovebitty:

John Johnson – The Metaphysical Goalie

You, Johnson. Describe yourself.

I dunno, bro, I’d say that I exist, but only as, like, a necessary entity that’s completely irrelevant to the narrative. Every team needs a goalie, right? Yeah, like, dude. I’m, like, brimming with potential characterization? But it’s totally at the cost of diluting the portrayal of you main character bros. and while zany side-characters are momentarily entertaining, we’re forgettable–cardboard–more 2–dimensional than the pixels of which we’re comprised. But yeah, I’m like, a senior who’s graduating this year and I’m probs totes gonna be replaced by a new, freshly developed character in later chapters of the story.

Other than that, my hobbies include working out, watching sports, and breaking the fourth wall.

[ check, please! ]