secretgeniusshittyknight:

fooiinneeee:

samwell2017:

asterlark:

ok you know the smh has gotta have a lot of inside jokes but i bet this is even worse with those that live in the haus bc they’re constantly around each other so here are some haus inside jokes & memes with help from @abermb 

• Ass Discourse
• ransom said “bilk mag” instead of milk bag once and they’ve all said bilk mag so often they actually say that first instead of milk bag
• when ransom’s at home he’ll be like “i’m gonna go get a mag of- fuck, a bilk- fuckigngn fuck”
• “please don’t fuck the geese”
• asking jack to sign increasingly ridiculous things when some stranger asks him for his autograph (this is a canon thing from the twitter but i can’t find the link)
• “when my mother breastfed me there was definitely some vodka in there”
• “vodka. like mother’s milk, only better.”
• “vodka: kid tested, mother approved.”
• that time they discovered derek and eric rhyme and wouldn’t shut up about it
• they still haven’t shut up about it
• “deric”
• “lock your door or jack will steal your gold”
• lardo, the tiny cave gremlin, 
• “why don’t you go ask the COCKROACHES” 
• cockroaches is always screamed at full volume, emphasis on the “cock”

• bitty threatening to climb in the oven if anyone is mean to him

• “bitty do your homework” “bye y’all time to go live in the oven”
• (anything): happens (someone): “jack why don’t u take a picture of it”
• holster settles down to watch one of his shows. someone is already on the couch. the tv is turned to a static channel. “oh, sorry holster,” they say, “guess you’ll have to wait till my show’s over.” they look at the tv and laugh as they eat popcorn. a tear slips down holster’s face.
• constantly asking if anyone’s fed the cat. they don’t have a cat.
• jack: “you don’t have a cat” shitty: “i can’t believe u let her die”
• nursey’s mystical seducing guitar
• making up bullshit southern sayings and then nudging bitty conspiratorially as if he knows what tf they’re talking about
• “it’s hotter out here than a cocker spaniel rubbed in oil and stuck in a tree, right bitty?”
• “that boy bakes more than a zebra in the middle of boston on a november afternoon”
• bitty: “im climbing in the fuckgin oven” 
• coming up with a fake teammate and talking about him on social media like he’s a close friend
• “borky, man, what a guy. that goal, tho!!!!” 
• “BORKY THE BORKSTER, THIS MAN RIGHT HERE. BEST GUY I KNOW.”
• chowder: “what”
• alexei mashkov is 20 puppies in a coat who have managed to infiltrate the sports world 
• they refer to tater as “them” and jack has no idea why; at first he thinks it’s a gender pronoun thing but then he realizes they’re using the plural they and is even more confused
• texting bitty that they’re out of butter when 1. he’s already stressed and 2. the fridge is literally full of butter
• drawing faces on all of the eggs and screaming bloody murder when bitty cracks them
• dex does this the most
• “NOOOOOOOOOO I DREW NURSEY’S FACE ON THAT ONE YOU KILLED NURSEY YOU FUCKING MURDERER YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS” “dex pls stop screaming and let me bake in peace”
• guilting chowder about things he hasn’t done like he’s a dog
• “you’ve fucking done it now chowder. jesus christ. what the fuck is wrong with you, man” “I’M SO SORRY I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I’M REALLY SORRY” [bitty voice] “chowder honey you didn’t do anything” “and now bitty’s in on it. incredible. we can’t trust anyone”
• “nursey’s father will hear about this”
• several different memes about the size of holster’s head
• “if the world is destroyed from global warming we can all just move to holster’s head it’s big enough for several million people”
• always cutting shitty off no matter what he’s talking about with “stop mansplaining”
• dex has a sound effects app on his phone and plays sounds that do not match the situation at all
• [bitty drops a spoon] dex: [duck quack]
• lardo: “i just bombed that test dudes” dex: [airhorn]
• sharing pictures of frogs to social media and tagging whiskey and tango in them
• [photoshopped jerseys onto 2 tiny frogs] “good game boys!!! our freshman really did it for us today!!”
• feel free to add your own memes

you forgot the ever-important

• immense, constant quoting of ghostbusters
• “does anyone smell lobster?” every time dex walks into a room
• [whenever someone is even mildly sick] I NEED A NURSE SOMEONE GET ME A NURSE IMMEDIATELY NUUUUUURSE
• “white feminism? just say no. naked feminism is the way to go” [one of lardo’s art-student friends choreographed a dance at her request. they use it to shut shitty up]
• for six weeks straight, holster pulled up ‘all about that bass’ on his phone and blasted it every time jack entered a room
• speaking of jack. ‘eat more protein’ is definitely a haus meme
• lettuce in the oven
• “lardo… make it pretty”
• [someone knocks] “SHITTY, TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF”
• constant gendering of inanimate objects. 
• (jack explains how French genders literally everything and for the next month it’s all “anyone want pie?” “IS IT A BOY PIE OR A GIRL PIE?” they don’t really grasp the grammar.)
• “holy shits”
• “but what IS a potato, really?”
• explaining milk to ransom in a really slow voice (”okay… so this is a milk bottle… it’s how we get milk… here… in america” “YEAH I GET IT OKAY”)

whoops

• holster pretending rans is a fish when he wears the salmon shorts
• “WE MUST RETURN THIS CREATURE TO THE OCEAN”
• “holtzy please”
• *dramatic gasp* “IT SPEAKS”
• following jack around while humming the Mission Impossible theme song
• the entire team keeps a list of every time someone hits on nursey
• when they hit 10 nursey has to buy them ice cream
• giving chowder “the talk”
• scaring bits while hes baking
• “oh mY GOD BITTY WATCH OUT”
• “-wHAT” *flour flying everywhere*
• “ACT NATURAL” *everyone drops what theyre doing and poses*
• that other time they discovered bitty and shitty rhyme and wont shut up about it
• muting the tv while jack’s post-game interview is on so shitty can do voiceovers
• (terrible jack impression) “I owe my success to this glorious ass. We couldnt have won tonight if it werent for my beaut of a butt.”
• talking to random tall objects as if its holster
• *points to literally anything* “what the fUUUuUuUCK is THAT”
• leaving jack zimmermann lego figurines around the house and pretending its jack
• “oh hey jack didnt know you were visiting. whats up?”
• lego jack: “…”
• “swawesome man good to hear”

* Holster learns Morse Code and convinces Dex (who you KNOW from spending time on a fishing boat knows it as well) to join him in the reading room once a week to send rude messages to the LAX house via flashing light.

* Someone yelling, “IT’S BEER THIRTY!!” at :30 on the hour every hour from 08:00 am to midnight.

* Impromptu single song dance parties. “Everyone you know what time it is?” C+C Music Factory’s ‘Gonna Make You Sweat’ starts playing. To not participate is a fine.

* Somehow R+H find an eight foot long whiteboard and hang it in the living room. They create March Madness style bracket tourneys over everything: The first new TV show of fall to get cancelled, Bitty’s pie recipes, best questions from Tango, worst LAX bro. You name it, they probably made a bracket for it. Even worse, the rest of the Haus gets in on it and places bets.

* Ransom steals an extra BIOHAZARD ☣ magnet off one of the fridges in the Bio department and sticks it on the Haus fridge. Bitty may or may not have screamed when he saw it.

* Judging bad things on a scale of ranging from ‘Nursey’s Chill (0)’, ‘Irate Chowder (3)’, ‘Dex’s Hair Trigger Temper (6)’, ‘Shitty on A Tirade Against the Patriarchy (8)’ to ‘Bitty’s not Mad. He’s just Disappointed (10)’
It seems to have successful results .

* Randomly hiding various cooking utensils and playing ‘You’re Getting Warmer’ as Bitty tries to find them.

* Narrating arguments between Dex and Nursey in the style of a nature documentary. ‘Here we have the rare Chilled New Yorker squaring off with the aggressive Ginger Mainer. Theirs is a time old tradition of give and take. Which one will emerge victorious on this occasion? Let’s take a closer look.“

* Someone finds a life size Gretzky cardboard cutout at a garage sale and stands it in the living room corner. They take turns dressing ‘The Great One’ in ridiculous outfits. During epikegsters, they put up caution tape and warning signs staying swift retribution and step penalties for anyone who messes with their buddy Wayne.

* Golden Girls marathons. Attendance is mandatory

* Baked history with Shitty.

* Somehow a squirrel gets into the Haus. Rather than capture it and remove it from the premises, Ransom has one of his animal science major friends come over and check it for diseases. Once its given a clean bill of health, they adopt him. His name is Squeakers.